Oh the sweet taste of freedom, how I long to feel its drops trickle down my throat. Whereupon I will inadvertently inhale, choke and collapse gasping and coughing onto the floor. This is what happens when I drink coffee and I see no reason why freedom should be any different. But in between the wheezing, retching and trying to figure out which of the black spots before my eyes are new and which are old friends I shall relish the freedom.
On Friday a maximum of two people will be allowed to congregate together and drop in on a friends home. Friends who have been relishing my absence from their dwellings are desperately trying to fake coughs and get police tape put around their residences. I'm not sure what I will do with this newfound liberty. The fear, of course, is that I have been so thoroughly institutionalised that I will get halfway through my journey and flee home weeping in terror. Actually that happened a lot anyway but now I have an identifiable reason.
Yes things are looking cautiously up on the coronavirus situation in my home state. In Tasmania the military is still trying to prevent the northwest of the state from infecting the rest. My correspondent contacted me today abuzz with excitement at the thought of home schooling her children. I asked her if she was serious and she assured me she was. She also asked me if my tech support could send her another years supply of elephant tranquilisers as she had run through the previous years stock in the past week.
Over in New Zealand such of the population as hasn't already cannibalised itself is being permitted to go outside, briefly. The screams as the population were exposed to sunlight for the first time in over a month put me in mind of the finale of a vampire film being played at maximum volume. Still at least my New Zealand correspondent is slightly less concerned about becoming a meal for his loved ones. I wouldn't advise him to get complacent. Humans are apparently delicious, once a predator gets a taste for human flesh they rarely go back to other animals no matter how abundant they are.
Still the occasional bestial murder gang notwithstanding New Zealand seems to be coming out of this crisis rather well. Over in my sunkissed homeland the general trend of public statements by health officials and politicians is gradually becoming more upbeat. You can tell this by the fact that the government and the opposition are starting to slag each other off again as opposed to the disturbing unity they showed when the nation was in danger.
In Victoria a billionaire whose continued income stream absolutely depends on China got up on stage to say how great China was or something like that. The Chinese consul was there to hold his hand and make sure he didn't go off script. To be fair he also announced that a charitable foundation he supports was importing a mass of COVID testing equipment from China to assist in keeping the outbreak under control so there are definite advantages in being considered obedient and pliant by the Peoples Republic. Still on the subject of business rallying around in a time of need one of our largest mining companies has been taking out TV ads to announce that in light of the unprecedented situation it was graciously considering paying some of its bills. And Ford announced that those bits of its derelict production facility that hadn't already been sold for scrap would be converted into making PPE equipment. Which makes the collapse of Australia's car manufacturing industry look like a long term philanthropic plan.
In privacy violation news, so far nearly three million people have downloaded the governments COVID app. I was, and am, sceptical of the governments assurances of security and privacy but unless you live in a cave on the moon you do have to give up some privacy in return for operating in a functional society. At least helping to fight disease is a better reason for giving up your privacy than being able to access amusing kitten memes on the internet which is the reason none of us actually have any privacy anyway.
We're halfway through the week and the long awaited Friday of Freedom is fast approaching. How will I celebrate? I think I'll stay in.
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