Plague Update #18 - Strategic Decisions

While we've all been obsessing over such trivialities as the possible death of all mankind our government has been responsibly planning for our future.  For a number of reasons (not all of them COVID-19 related) the price of oil has tanked recently.  I apologise for the preceding joke, it was unworthy and I will try and do better in future.  Our government has seized the opportunity presented by low prices to bolster the nation's strategic fuel reserves.  This is the stockpile of fuel the government holds to run vital infrastructure and the military should something (like a war) interrupt the normal flow of fuel to this country.  At present we hold about enough in our strategic reserve to run our military for approximately twenty eight minutes.  After that it's gliders and sailboats guys.

So the government has popped out and bought a hundred million dollars worth of fuel.  This fuel will be stored in the United States because, as the relevant minister explained in tones of sweet reason, we don't have anywhere to store it in this country.  So if some global conflict/disaster/wrath of god occurs it would be helpful if it didn't actually impact the trade route between the US and Australia (spoiler alert, it will totally impact the trade route between the US and Australia).  It would also be helpful if it didn't impact the United States so much that they felt the need to dip into "our" fuel themselves.

Meanwhile back in the disease zone where most of us are living our lives bicycles have become the new toilet paper.  That was the line in the media today and I must admit it took me a long time to get visions of pedals stuck in various orifices out of my mind.  Let's see how long it takes you.  What the media meant, as it explained in the small print that nobody reads, is that bicycles are suddenly the must have purchase that everybody is lashing out on.  Bicycle retailers are doing such a roaring trade that the government is contemplating dipping into its strategic bicycle store just as soon as it can persuade Venezuela to release them.

The reason for the sudden upsurge in bicycle purchases is because of the opportunity they provide for excerise in an appropriately socially distant way.  Now that pretty much every dog in the country has been walked to exhaustion for everybody who wants an excuse to get out of the house its bicycles or nothing.  For those people who can't afford a bicycle or a dog we're reduced to chasing the pigeons round our balconies for exercise.  I don't know if its doing me any good but the pigeons have never looked so healthy.

In the latest sign that things are getting back to normal the NRL will restart its season on the 28th of May.  This may not be ideal timing from a disease viewpoint but it might be enough to save the NRL from bankruptcy.  It turns out that our sporting codes didn't actually save any of the money that rolls in the door from endorsements, sponsorships and those infuriating gambling ads so if they can't actually have a season they might go belly up.  This would be terrible for the sport, or at least they are telling us it would be terrible for the sport.  I can't help wondering if the NRL and cricket and whatever other sports we play, might not benefit from having these millstones removed from their necks.

Meanwhile the Greens party has advocated for further relief for whoever on the grounds that the economy won't just bounce back.  To make their point they put out a press release claiming that "you can't accelerate out of a corner".  They then had to alter that press release after it was pointed out that accelerating out of a corner was actually good advice.