Very Silly After Action Report

Hauptmann Felix von Kummerbund and another officer too junior to have his own name peered down the road as it ran between a couple of hills.

"Do you think they've got it bore sighted?" asked Junior Officer.

"I would," replied von Kummerbund grimly.  "I wonder how the new CO will want to play it?  It's a shame that Oberst Gehrig came down with that unexpected attack of motor neurone disease, we could do with his wisdom.  That must be his replacement now.  Oh dear Christ!"

A staff car skidded to a halt and a depressingly familiar figure leapt from the back seat, his new rank markings gleaming in the sun.  Oberst Heinrich von Kattelrussler struck an heroic pose and smoothed down his uniform perhaps accidentally emphasising the bright pink and yellow medal ribbon on his chest.  The image was spoiled when the staff car backfired and von Kattelrussler screamed and hurled himself into a convenient ditch.  It took von Kummerbund and Junior Officer ten minutes to coax him back above ground.

"Welcome back sir," lied von Kummerbund, "we thought you were with the Slovakians."
"My work with the Slovaks is done," replied von Kattelrussler proudly, "see they gave me this decoration."
"Ah yes, I'm not sure if I..."
"It's the Order of St Dymphna.  Not many of those get handed out."

"Isn't Dymphna the patron saint of mental illness?" asked Junior Officer in a hushed aside to von Kummerbund.

"Yes and I believe the Order of St Dymphna is traditionally awarded to noblewomen who knit socks for the troops."

"So we have tanks do we?" asked von Kattelrussler breaking in on their private discussion.  "Excellent, I've learnt a few things from my time with the Slovaks, you should see what they can do with an armoured car.  Although believe me you don't want to see what they can do with a cavalry horse."

"The Poles are holding some buildings we need to take," said von Kummerbund trying hard to banish the mental pictures von Kattelrussler had just conjured up.  "They have tanks, a gun or two and a bunch of troops.  We'll need a stealthy reconnaissance and a well thought out plan..."

"The hell with that," retorted von Kattelrussler, "we're doing this Slovak style.  You; Junior Officer, get in that armoured car and drive down the road.  Everybody else, up over the hills and into them.  I'm gonna ride me a tank!"

The Junior Officer watched as von Kattelrussler strode to the nearest tank and wrestled the commander out of it by sheer force.

"What should I do sir?"

"Write a letter to your wife telling her how much you love her and then get in the armoured car.  It might seem silly now but if you survive this day a time will come when you will be glad to say you were just obeying orders."

So this is the next Poland in Flames Scenario; BFP118 Kazina Klash.  Here Ivan Kent will command the recalcitrant Poles still unaccountably clinging to small bits of the motherland while I lead the lebensraum hungry Germans to victory, I hope.  The objective is two small buildings in the centre of the map.  I have to capture both, either that or destroy all of the Polish armour.

To do the destroying I have nine first line squads with three officers and a trio of light machine guns plus an assortment of eight armoured vehicles, a PzI, four PzIIs and three armoured cars of various stripes.  I also get to choose an additional force from a pair of options, either a 75mm artillery piece with a squad and mmg to back it up or a pair of truck towed 37mm anti tank guns.  I chose the latter.  With a ROF of 3 and an IFE of 4 when they're not killing tanks they double as awesome medium machine guns.

On the other side of the hills Ivan has five first line squads, an elite half squad, a pair of officers an anti tank rifle and a hero.  He also has a 37mm antitank gun and five AFVs of his own; a Vickers Ejw(b) (with an impressive 47mm gun), a Vickers Edw(b) (with two turret mounted machine guns), a TKS(L) and a pair of TKS light tanks.  He also got to choose whether he wanted to add an 81mm mortar or a hmg to his force.  He chose the hmg.  Coming on as reinforcements were another squad and another Vickers Ejw(b).

Ivan set up the bulk of his infantry along the tree line, bolstered by the occasional tank.  On the east flank he placed a pair of tanks to cover that approach while he also had a couple of squads forward in the woods to the west and sitting up on top of the western hill.  My troops all came in from offboard.

My plan was to seize both hills and position the ATGs there to take out his armour.  My armour would roll forward dropping smoke to conceal the guns (and hopefully my infantry) as they approached.  A pair of squads with an officer and lmg would move into the trees on the eastern hill to protect my flank while the main push came in the west across the open ground and through the woods.  It all went disturbingly well at first.  Blowing more smoke than a dragon with hiccoughs my tanks rolled forward providing a protective shield for my trucks to haul the guns up onto the hills.  In the west I sent a tank on a suicide run (it was the PzI, expendable) to try and strip concealment from his troops in the woods and followed up with the bulk of my infantry.  First blood came somewhat unexpectedly when Ivan revealed his hero with the ATR which took a potshot at the PzI.  Fortunately it didn't hit and approximately 150 Germans clubbed the hero to death in the close combat phase.  Ivan also had poor luck as a couple of the Polish tanks broke their main armament while firing on my vehicles.

End of the first turn, things are going disturbingly well.

The next couple of turns went well for me, Ivan declined to fight for the western woods against half the German army and pulled back.  As he pulled back I pushed forward, cheerfully risking a few vehicles to get around behind him.

Despite the favourable signs Ivan's main defensive line was intact and all I had done was push forward towards it.  The forward building he needed to hold was stuck in the middle of open ground and in the long term was probably indefensible.  He placed a squad in there so I couldn't simply walk in but a combination of smoke and burgeoning vehicles made the place untenable.  I had almost surrounded his forward troops in the west and had a swarm of vehicles in the centre.  Up on the hills the ATGs were in place and ready to take out some Polish vehicles once the smoke (which I had laid) cleared.

Pushing through in the west (bottom), things are a little more problematic in the east.

In the western forest a close combat raged (and would rage for several turns) but I pushed troops, an lmg and a leader with an atr past them towards the wheatfield.  With the first building in hand and a half squad with nothing to do I sent it on a deathride to the other building.  I didn't expect it to survive but I hoped it might persuade Ivan to drop some concealment.  These heroes stormed through a rain of steel and seized the second building leaving me in the somewhat embarrassing position of not quite knowing how to reinforce them.

Up on the western hill my atg managed to take out his Vickers Ejw in the northeast while on the eastern hill after a couple of false starts the atg there managed to hit and kill one of his tiny TKS the other promptly drove into the gully and tried to look like scenery.

Meanwhile my own armoured casualties were starting to mount.  One of the armoured cars was stunned and another was shocked and in due course killed.  In the west an lmg squad was circling around stalking his Vickers Edw while the officer tried (without success) to hit it with an atr.  I lost some troops trying to get forward and they slunk back to be rallied in the rear.  Far forward my half squad heroes withstood everything thrown at them which was good as relieving them was a little problematic.  Still I was forward and with plenty of tanks left tasked them with taking out his remaining armour and defensive points.

Ivan revealed his antitank gun and started shooting up my tanks, fortunately I could afford to lose a few.  My half squad heroes couldn't win the game by themselves and eventually broke allowing Ivan to recapture the building but in the meantime I had built up a formidable force of tanks and infantry in the centre.  Feeling nervous at my approaching lmg team Ivan sent his Edw out into the open to beat up/divert some of my tanks and I pressed forward.

Then it went to hell for a turn.  I had two squads and an officer plus supporting tanks bearing town on the final building.  Ivan immobilised one of the tanks, another broke its main armament and then his hmg which had been noticeable for its impotence woke up and crushed a pair of squads in a single fire phase.  Suddenly grabbing the last building looked unlikely despite my managing to kill the TKS in the ditch and break his atg crew.  Still, immobilised tanks are cover and I managed to shoot him out of, and slip another halfsquad into, the second victory building.  He had plenty of troops left though and the game teetered on a knife edge.  He had brought his reinforcing tank on to cover the building and would retake the building for the second time.

On the second last turn things weren't looking desperate but they were less than certain.  Then I rallied both squads the hmg had broken and generated a hero into the bargain.  These guys plunged to the rear hunting the tank Ivan had placed there to keep it out of harms way.  In the centre my atg shocked and then killed his second Ejw (although it then broke itself) and my surviving tanks bulled forward sleazing the final victory hex.
Bounding fire pinned the defenders and advancing fire from my suddenly brave infantry broke them.  Meanwhile I overran his hmg team and rolled a couple of tanks to the rear to menace his one surviving tank.

With the building doomed, his surviving tank surrounded by battle hungry infantry and vehicles and with only one turn remaining Ivan conceded.

See Mum, I do win occasionally.

This was a tight enjoyable game.  I think I got the better of any luck that was going but I'm still quite glad to have pulled off a win.  Thanks to Ivan for the game, next up; Real Steel.

Hauptmann von Kummerbund shook his head in disbelief.

"I can't believe that worked.  Dear god, he's going to be unbearable now."

He looked past Junior Officer who was brushing bits of armoured car off his uniform and filling out the Massacre of Prisoners (Surrendered) paperwork to where Oberst von Kattelrussler was doing a victory jig on top of a Panzer II.  As von Kummerbund watched he leaned forward and planted a large kiss on the gun barrel.  Apparently he had forgotten those things get hot when firing.  The ensuing scream was high pitched but somewhat muffled.