Just Die Already

There comes a time when every species has to call it a day.  Possibly the climate changes or a disaster occurs or some other malevolent species (Humans, I'm looking at you) goes on a killing spree and wipes them all out.  Whatever the reason there comes a time when the world just has to get along without one species or another.  Dinosaurs, sabre toothed cats, dodos; they all had their hour on the stage and when the curtain came down they all retired gracefully to the wings.

Then there are other animals that just won't take a damn hint.  Take the black rhino for example.  This malingerer has been teetering on the edge of extinction for decades but stubbornly refuses to take the final step.  And now, just when it looked like the black rhino had finally summoned up the courage to take the final plunge a bunch of interfering busybodies are getting in the way.  At this point the black rhino could be forgiven if it gave up on extinction and went on a manic breeding frenzy.

But it looks as though it isn't going to come to that.  The latest "let's prolong the black rhino's inevitable death agonies" scheme involves kidnapping a whole bunch of black rhinos (seventy eight at last count) , transporting them to Australia and then dumping them in Dubbo with orders to reproduce until their genitals wear off.  Think of it as a form of involuntary black rhino sex tourism.

The important thing is to get the rhinos out of Africa.  With the horns from a single rhino worth up to $50k on the ivory black market the pressure on desperately poor Africans to supplement their income with a little light poaching is overwhelming.  Removing a large chunk of the surviving rhino population from Africa is their best chance of survival.  Another way of looking at it is to say that wealthy Westerners are removing en masse one of the few methods of economic advancement for some of poorest people on the planet because a selfie with a rhino baby is far more important than the life of an African child from the same region.

I know all of this because the other evening a young lady with an impenetrable Scottish accent came to my door and through skilful use of sign language managed to convey to me that she was raising money to help make this a reality.  I let her continue because I quite enjoyed her hand puppet depiction of a black rhino being shot by poachers but I didn't actually give her any money. 

Still if the scheme is successful then Dubbo will soon be overrun with black rhinos.  Once numbers have risen to plague proportions I believe the intention is to ship them back to Africa and release them back into the wild.  Assuming any of them escape the locals who will no doubt be waiting at the docks with rifles.  That's if everything goes according to plan.  Personally I suspect the black rhinos will be stuck on Nauru for several years while our prime minister attempts to persuade President Trump to resettle them in America.