Every city has a purpose. The purpose of Frankfurt is to make the rest of Germany feel better about itself. My own sojourn in Frankfurt was confined to the airport and was simultaneously mercifully brief and eye wateringly long. Once I looked at the planes and had a curry wurst I was still left with seven hours to kill before Lufthansa would graciously agree to take me on the final leg of my journey to Edinburgh. I spent the time reading and once I’d finished my book I filled in a few hours weeping hysterically.
Other people weeping hysterically likely include the readers of this blog who are now into the third entry and haven’t even reached the beginning of the holiday yet. Firstly I would like to point out that reading this blog is not the cause of your problems but merely a symptom and I would urge you to visit a therapist or exorcist as quickly as possible. Secondly I’ve done it, I’m finally here. With Lufthansa’s farewell chocolate still sticking to my lips I stepped out into the land of my ancestors. Well some of my ancestors, probably. I inhaled the sharp Scottish air as I was informed there was a thirty minute wait for a taxi. Once he deigned to show up my taxi driver informed me he couldn’t take me to my hotel because of trams or something. He did drop me off within walking distance and pointed helpfully. By the time I reached my hotel I had spent almost as much time travelling from the airport to my hotel as I had travelling from Frankfurt to Edinburgh.
I had come to Edinburgh to see the Tattoo. After years of watching it on TV I was finally going to see it live. Assuming I could make my way through the crowds. Not only was the Tattoo on but also the Edinburgh festival and an Oasis concert. As a result the streets were swarming with humanity and Oasis fans.
I set out on the big day at 8.30am. A little early for a performance that starts at 9.15pm but you don’t know my talent for getting lost. With jet lag still dragging at my heels my intention was to find my way to the castle to ensure I could do it again at a more appropriate time. The old town of Edinburgh is made of grey stone an aesthetic choice which was essentially a defensive technique. Given the prevailing Scottish weather it was entirely possible an invading army would simply fail to see it.
The weather on the evening I arrived had been beautiful and the new day followed suit with bright sun and blue skies occasionally fighting their way through the clouds, cold wind and pissing rain. As a result no matter what weather you had dressed for you were wrong.
Edinburgh loomed grey and impressive before me. I climbed steps. This is something you’re just going to have to get used to in Edinburgh. A lot of the city is directly above and sometimes actually on top of the rest of it. I walked up the Royal Mile and came to a halt when something blocked my way. It was Edinburgh Castle. Having achieved that in literally the first twenty minutes I was left in the somewhat embarrassing position of not really knowing what to do for the rest of the day.
Fortunately Edinburgh came to my assistance. I looked to to one side and found Camera Obscura which is five floors of optical illusions and camera trickery guaranteed to appeal to children and a certain type of adult. I am that certain type of adult. Giggling with immature glee I tested all of the exhibits while parents nervously ushered their children away from me. I did manage to leave before the police arrived but that was probably more due to the crowds in the streets than any judgement of mine.
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