Shooting Kittens For Food: Travelling Pathetically

I have mentioned in the past that I live near a river. Specifically the Cooks River. The Cooks River is probably most famous because forcing someone to drink the water is officially considered a war crime. A golf course separates my home from the raging flood waters that periodically don't threaten to drown us all. Between the golf course and the river is a narrow path that permits one to wander alongside the river under the shade of what may or may not be native trees and enjoy something that vaguely resembles nature.

It is a measure of how desperate I have become for something to do that this last little fragment of semi bush within a five kilometre radius became the focus of my latest trip outside my home for thoroughly legal exercise reasons. I asked my platypus if he would like to come to the river. He seemed quite excited until I mentioned it was the Cooks River at which point he backed away slowly and finally hid in the bathroom.

Despite being platypus bereft I set out on what I freely admit was the most half baked expedition to date (if you don't count the time I wandered around the grounds of my apartment block). The day was warm, the sky was blue and birds sang. At least I presume birds sang, they usually do. Access to the river is gained by passing through the golf course. Access to the golf course is gained by simply walking in. As long as you don't actually set your picnic rug up on the green they seem to reasonably tolerant about such things.

The golf course would be my companion for the first half of my trip but by being careful with my eyes I was able to almost completely ignore it. Who cares about golf, the river awaited my eager eyes.

And this is what my eager eyes saw

With the river on my right and an ignored golf course to my left I strolled downstream. If I followed the river for long enough I would wind up in Botany Bay. I didn't follow the river for long enough. In actual fact during a five kilometre walk I doubt if I was ever more than a kilometre from home. The reason being that the river takes it into its head to make a broad curve to the left depositing the walker not too far from where they started.

I ambled along enjoying the greenery and taking photos of random birds and plants that didn't jump out of the way fast enough.

Example of a bird that didn't jump out of the way fast enough

For a while the river itself took second place as I busied myself taking photos of flowers while angling the camera to ensure that no golfers were caught in the background. I always try and make it look like I'm the only person around, a task that got increasingly difficult as the day wore on.

Random plants of a decorative nature

With the plant life thus effectively dealt with, apart from the Clare McIntyre memorial fungus (see below) I could return my attention to the broad expanse of well, mainly water that was jumping up and down and insisting that I give it a little camera love.

At first my view of the river had been obscured by trees that had inconsiderately taken advantage of the fact that nobody was golfing there right at that moment to grow up along the rivers edge. However the path came closer to the water and the trees slunk away muttering about revenge.

Yep, that's definitely a river

And so is this

The golf course came to an end and I heaved a sigh of relief and stepped forward with greater enthusiasm only to walk face first into more people than I had seen in one place for over a year. It was, as I have said, a warm day and such of the population who couldn't plausibly claim to live within five kilometres of a beach had decided that a park by the river was the next best option.

There was some attempt at mask wearing. Basically people sat around in groups without masks but if one of them got up to, for example, toss something in a garbage bin a mask was religiously donned for the fifteen metre trip to the bin and back before being removed again once they were able to inhale the breath of their companions. It is amazing how adept we are at adapting to a circumstance while simultaneously completely missing the point.

As promised, a fungus. Or possibly a piece of discarded salami.

The one good thing about the park was it had obviously been decided that a view of the river was essential for the enjoyment of all things parky. I turned my back on the thronging hordes of humanity and tried very hard to pretend I was the sole survivor of some global catastrophe instead of one of billions of survivors of a global inconvenience.

Down by the water were birds. Small and rather nondescript birds it had to be admitted but taking a photo of them involved pointing my camera in the only direction that wouldn't be invading someone else's privacy so I took a picture of them. And because I'm running out of things to say in this blog entry I include that picture to substitute for a certain lack of creativity on my part.

Not perhaps the most interesting of birds but I assume most of you have already stopped reading

With the river and small birds adequately covered (and the sheer mass of people becoming increasingly irritating) I stepped out determined to reach a spot that I hadn't really identified prior to setting out. You see I was aware that the river looped the way it did so I knew if I stopped walking at a certain point and struck out in a straight line I would effectively find the shortest way home. What I wasn't entirely certain of was where that point was.

Along the way I took a photo of a parrot upside down in a tree, as you do. It took me ten minutes to get that photo while the damn parrot moved from one side of the tree to another with what I'm pretty certain was active malice.

A parrot upside down in a tree.

Finally any pretence of bushland came to an end and I was in a manicured park pure and simple. The river was still there to my right but I was over it by now. Through a sophisticated analytical process known as random guesswork I had determined that I had arrived in the spot where I could strike out for home. I wasn't actually correct but I was close enough so that I didn't get lost on the journey. Along the way I took a bunch of photos of a family taking their children out for an afternoon walk.