Greetings disease junkies. Well the first thing I have to do is retract a statement I made in a previous entry about revising my opinion of Australia's average IQ upward. In addition to the occasional outburst of demented idiocy from footballers and politicians (which can be safely ignored for statistical reasons as they constitute outlier behaviour) there has been a protest in Melbourne by people protesting against the lockdown and vaccination and, for some reason, Bill Gates. Apparently coronavirus is some sort of conspiracy and they don't believe a word of it. Which is odd because if it was genuinely a conspiracy theory I would have expected such people lap that shit up. Incidentally they're dirty on Bill Gates because a similar bunch of halfwits in America are dirty on Bill Gates. The reason for which makes perfect sense if you're also prepared to believe that COVID-19 is caused by the 5G network. Apparently when he isn't designing second rate software Billy boy has been warning America for years that they are utterly unprepared for a pandemic and should do something about that. So now that there is a pandemic it is obviously his fault.
Despite having a bit of a headache from smacking my forehead in exasperation I'm actually a little heartened by these protests. It shows that we are getting on top of the virus. When it first broke out and people feared the reaper stalking through their suburbs everybody was as compliant and docile as lambs (although slightly less delicious). The fact that their inner stupidity has started to outweigh their natural caution is an indication that things are getting better. You'll know that we're well on the way to recovery when people start claiming that there never was a problem in the first place.
In the meantime our various state governments are slowly allowing people out on to the streets again. Cafes and restaurants will be able to serve a cripplingly small number of people which will mean that most clientele will have to be turned away. The anger and frustration this will create among the foodgoing public will in no way rebound on the hapless restauranteurs of course. My suggestion is that hair dressing salons start serving food. That should cover all bases nicely.
Other public gatherings to be permitted include weddings and funerals. You'll be allowed ten guests at a wedding and twenty at an indoor funeral. Presumably the government has a pretty realistic idea of the ratio between the people who would want to wish you everlasting happiness and those who just want to make sure you're dead. Incidentally by "indoor funeral" I presume they mean cremation as digging up the floor of the funeral parlour would take an unrealistically long time. Outdoor funerals can have as many as thirty mourners. Incidentally by "outdoor funeral" I presume they mean burial as society tends to frown on cremation by bonfire.
The thirty person limit has given me an idea for people who want to invite more than the ten person maximum to their wedding. Get married at a funeral. Nearly everybody has some elderly relative clinging to life by a thread. Just drop the hint that an end to their pain could also be an awesome wedding present. If said relative is incarcerated in certain aged care facilities you may not even have to initiate matters yourself. Then while they're tossing dirt on Grandma they can also be tossing confetti on you. The more I think about it the harder it is to see a downside except perhaps for the need to be selective about the background for the wedding photographs.
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