Formula for Success

There is a television ad on our TV screens at the moment for an baby formula company.  They're no doubt attempting to persuade you to purchase their particular brand of powdered baby silencer.  The ads all begin with a cute little statement extolling the superiority of breast milk before adding "but when I'm ready to move on..."  Am I the only person who gets the impression that what they're actually saying is "Breast milk is best but if you're prepared to go for second rate then permit us to recommend our product?"

This could be the start of a whole new marketing line.  For example "For children going to school shoes are the best thing to put on their feet.  But when they're ready to move on, may we suggest our brand of hessian bags" or "Nothing beats a parent's love, but when they're ready to move on, our parole officers are the most professional in the country."  As marketing gimmicks go the cheerful acknowledgement that their target audience is too busy, too tired or too disinterested to do what is best and should just settle for the least worst alternative is refreshingly honest.  The only danger is that people take them too seriously and just start filling up the baby's bottle with tap water.

I just wish one of the formula manufacturers would have the honesty to come up with a tagline something along the lines of, "When you're sick and tired of having a mewling brat swinging off one of your breasts...".  Unfortunately such honesty in advertising is rarely rewarded.  It would appear that the consuming public actually wants companies to lie, or at least exaggerate, about their products.  Possibly we just don't think they're putting in enough effort to persuade us otherwise.

Despite this some people (disputatious lackwits all) rail against this mutually agreeable deception, bitterly complaining about the commercialisation of society and corporate duplicity.  Such people fail to realise that telling outrageous lies to persuade people to spend money they don't have to buy crap they don't need is pretty much the cornerstone of our entire economy.  The day everybody buys only what they need and pays close attention to price and quality while doing so is the day that we all wind up living in caves.

Naturally no matter what rubbish we ourselves purchase there is always something else that we consider a ridiculous and irresponsible waste of money.  And this too is useful as it allows us to feel superior to other people for their halfwitted purchasing decision even as we tug our monkey down foot pacifiers a little closer to our bodies (mine is a mixture of rhesus and colobus, worth every penny).  And for providing us with this array of luxuries, granting us happiness and permitting us to feel superior to people otherwise indistinguishable from ourselves the companies in question request nothing else except staggering amounts of money (which, let's face it, is getting more worthless by the day) and the ability to run their profits through a trust in the British Virgin Islands to avoid paying any tax.  Cheap at half the price I say.