Monday, January 6, 2014

Its the Apocalypse! Quick, Save the Paperwork

There is a company in the United States that got its start by tossing important documents down a disused iron mine.  As data protection services go that seems a little rudimentary but at the time the threat of atomic war was hanging over their heads and a lot of companies were prepared to pay for essentially storing their vital data in a really big hole in the ground.  If they'd waited until after the war they could probably have got their very own hole for nothing.

Apparently it was considered important to emerge blinking into the radiation soaked post apocalyptic wasteland with your billing records intact.  One presumes they found another disused mine to toss their collections team down.  It is a peculiar facet of human personality that we will take great precautions to ensure the continuance of something that is unlikely to be of any use to us whatsoever should the thing we are preparing for actually take place.

Although its entirely possible that I might be wrong about that.  In the grim days that followed a cold war style holocaust things would be horrific for those who unaccountably failed to die.  One can imagine the scene; some ragged, half starved survivor living in a wretched shanty scraped together from the still glowing wreckage of a city, licking slime off the walls to survive and watching his family dying slowly of cancer of the everything when suddenly there is a bang on the door and a group of thugs in NBC gear barge in and demand payment for an overdue phone bill.  What would the reaction to such a visitation be?  Fear? Rage? Despair?  I like to think it would be hope.  Surely the presence of such organised, corporate efficiency would inspire a belief that better days were coming.  It would be a reassurance that however battered the world was it was slowly and painfully getting back onto its feet.

I think that the visits of the bill collecting team (remember those guys who got tossed down a disused mine?) would be a beacon of hope to the traumatised, horror shattered survivors.  People have got by on less hope than that in the past.  Every terrifying home invasion would be proof that somewhere structure and organisation still existed.  Surely better times with the promise of health treatment, clean water and bigger rats to eat would be just around the corner.  People would dare to dream, to start building their lives anew.  Or at least they would until they discover that corporate headquarters is a disused iron mine.  At that point they will pretty much have to acknowledge that we're all screwed.

Of course that atomic war didn't happen (yet) and that old iron mine must be getting pretty full by now.  Which is probably why the company in question is now in the document shredding business as well.  Should the worst happen and desperate corporate survivors make their way to the mine I'm prepared to bet that all they're going to find is a deep pit filled with shredded documents.  Fortunately the next disused mine along will be full of sticky tape. 

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