Birthday Greetings #32

Happy birthday to Gordian III, Roman emperor.  When one hears a name like "such and such the third" one does tend to assume that he is proof of stable government and smooth succession from one generation to the next.  Unfortunately (at least for Gordian) this was in no way the case.  For much of the third century AD the Roman empire was going through a command crisis.  It seemed that nobody could seize the throne and hold it for any length of time.  It is fair to say that the job "Roman emperor" had one of the shortest life expectancies anywhere in the world at the time.  Frankly it amazes me that anybody wanted the job, it was by this stage little more than a passport to a grisly death.

Actually Gordian didn't want the job.  It was dumped in his lap by a senate who were almost indecently glad to get rid of it.  Since he was only thirteen years old at the time any objections he might have raised were cheerfully ignored.  What happened was this.  The emperor Alexander Severus died of natural causes (murder) and one of his army officers, Maximinus Thrax, appointed himself emperor.  But Max was with the army on the German frontier and he hadn't bothered to prepare the ground in Rome first.  In the province of Africa the locals killed the procurator (a Maximinus man) and proclaimed a couple of eminent locals (Gordians I&II) as emperor.  The senate ratified the choice and a lot of the provinces rallied round.  Unfortunately one of those that didn't was the neighbouring province of Numidia whose governor put an abrupt end to these proceedings by killing the younger Gordian in battle at which point his father took the hint and committed suicide.

Now the senate was stuck.  Maximinus was marching on Rome with blood in his eye and they had already come out against him.  They quickly appointed two non entities from amongst their number to be replacement emperors and (hoping to cash in on the loyalty aroused by the previous Gordians) made Gordian I's grandson Caesar.  The two senatorial appointees demonstrated the undying loyalty of their troops by getting themselves murdered by the Praetorian Guard within a few weeks and suddenly Gordian III was sole emperor at the age of thirteen with Maximinus getting ever closer.

Luck was with our boy though.  The Gordian name was popular and the Maximinus name definitely wasn't.  Most of Maximinus' troops deserted him and some of them paused long enough to murder him on their way out.  Now Gordian really was the guy in charge.  Only he wasn't of course.  He was only thirteen which even in Rome was considered a little young to be starting a political career.  The senate pretty much ran the empire with some input from Gordian's mother.  This actually worked better than might be imagined and when Gordian married his new father in law became praetorian prefect and took over operations with a fair amount of efficiency.  Naturally a rebellion had to be crushed but once that was done the future looked bright.

First item on the agenda (after defeating a barbarian incursion or two) was taking on the Sassanid empire in the east.  The Sassanids had taken advantage of the fact that the Roman army was busy fighting the Roman army to conquer some imperial territory.  Gordian's father in law (with Gordian in tow) marched against them and won a crushing victory.  Then he died, poison was suspected.  After this things get a little vague.  The man who most likely murdered the father in law got his job as praetorian prefect.  Somewhere out in the desert Gordian also died, the death certificate said natural causes.  The man who had recently become his praetorian prefect now became emperor.  He had the grace to at least pretend to be surprised.