Saturday, January 19, 2013

I Don't Think A Blog Entry Can Get Sillier Than This

You know, I don't think I can express the importance of tiny cakes sufficiently.  These bite sized morsels of icing coated deliciousness are truly symbols of the pinnacle of civilisation.  Tiny cakes transform a meeting from a tedious waste of time into a tea party with colleagues.  A performance review is a little bit more bearable with tiny cakes on the table.  The most awkward social situation can be smoothed over by the simple production of tiny cakes.  Try this situation for example;

"No Luke, I am your father.  And have a tiny cake."

or this one.

"You can't handle the truth!  But I'll bet you could handle a tiny cake."

I think those two movies would have ended very differently with the introduction of tiny cakes at a critical moment.  Tiny cakes bring the world together.

You couldn't get the same result with large cakes.  Large cakes breed resentment.  Everybody would be glaring at each other jealously trying to work out which greedy pig got the biggest slice before they did.  Jealously and resentment would be bred and violence would ensue.  Let's take a look at our cinematic examples again (because they have so much relevance to the real world) but this time insert large cakes into the mix.

"Join me Luke and we can rule the galaxy as father and son."
"You ate the large slice of cake you bastard!"
"I-I was hungry and I didn't think you wanted it.  I think there are some crumbs caught in my respirator if you like."
"Dark lord gonna die motherfucker!"

or, in the courtroom.

"Did you order the code red?"
"You're damn right I did.  The greedy bastard stole the large slice of cake.  I'd had my eye on that all morning."
"Case dismissed."

There really is no substitute for tiny cakes.  It is a little known fact that the Song Dynasty of China collapsed due to the inability of its emperors to provide the people with tiny cakes.  Correctly discerning that the Song's mandate from heaven had expired Kublai Khan overran their empire thus giving Marco Polo and Samuel Taylor Coleridge the opportunity to become famous.  If the Song emperors had been a little more attentive to the provision of tiny cakes we might have been spared Italian tour guides and poems about albatrosses.

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