How About My Cynicism? Does Anybody Want to Buy That?

The latest non news to impress itself upon my unwilling brain is the fact that a couple of Australian girls are selling their virginity online.  Family groups are, quite understandably, outraged; it cheapens such traditional methods of virginity loss such as in the backyard of a friend's parents house after one too many bacardi breezers.  Some people still hold out for the wedding night of course because nothing is more likely to produce a memorable night than two inexperienced neophytes fumbling around trying to figure out what goes where.

I suppose I can understand selling virginity.  After all, there appears to be a market which is the prerequisite for selling anything.  I find it less easy to understand why somebody might buy it.  After all you can hardly mount it on a wall with a discreet plaque detailing the circumstances of your acquisition.  I also fail to understand why, when it comes to sex, less experience is considered to be a benefit.  You wouldn't choose a plumber or a heart surgeon on that criterion why a bed partner?
"Good news, we've got the perfect guy to perform Harry's bypass.  Apparently he's never done it before."

One of the girls has apparently received a multi million dollar offer from an American buyer but she has refused.  She says she feels safer conducting the transaction in Australia.  I think that's perfectly understandable, I mean who knows; its entirely possible that the guy trawling the internet looking to pay for the opportunity to deflower teenagers is some sort of weirdo creep.

All this talk about selling highly personal intangibles has started me thinking.  Surely to god there is something I could sell to raise money, not my virginity of course that's long gone (honestly officer it is).  My integrity, intellectual honesty and simple commonsense pretty much went down the drain along with the last two hundred and sixty one blog entries.  I did try selling my soul but the only purchaser was the guy I bought it from in the first place and he was only offering ten cents on the dollar.  I'm not sure even I would want to buy my pride or sense of self worth.  Hmm, this got depressing pretty quickly.  What about more tangible assets?  Lungs; tarry, eyes; crap, kidneys; perhaps before I started drinking five cups of coffee a day, liver; you've got to be kidding.  Suddenly simply purchasing food to keep the catalogue of disasters that is my body going seems like a poor return on investment.  I could sell my paranoia and self pity but I notice most people already seem to have their own.

No, I have nothing worth selling and like all other people in this position I think I will have to accept that my only chance of riches is to become a middleman.  That is I will buy stuff and onsell it to others at a higher price to make a profit.  Fortunately I know where I can pick up a couple of virginities at reasonable prices.