Monday, November 1, 2010

Hollow Out a Pumpkin or Hit a Horse; It's All Good

Today was (and at the time of writing, still is) Monday the 1st of November. That means today was neatly sandwiched between Halloween and Melbourne Cup Day. As such this seemed like a good moment to run a brief eye over both events.

First; Halloween! This is a holiday slowly gaining ground in Australia as more and more children wonder why they don't get an authorised pass to annoy their elders like their American cousins. For adults its a time to crack out the tacky make up and dress like an extra in an Ed Wood movie (I was wearing a rather fetching shade of gooseberry nail polish myself). Halloween is another of those Christian religious occasions which time and marketing have perverted into a travesty of its former self. Since the Christians simply hijacked a Pagan festival in the first place I don't really have a problem with this. Of course the trick or treating is annoying. There wasn't much of it in my area (or possibly the parents have warned their children to stay away from my flat) but I understand it is growing each year. Trick or treating is an ancient tradition which dates from the time when children were thought to need assistance in learning the finer points of extortion and eating until you puke. This is one cultural import which I think could quite happily have stayed in America but I suppose if we're going to have McDonalds and Buffy the Vampire Slayer then we have to put up with trick or treating and Kim Kardashian as well. One thing I really don't understand is the pumpkins. If I were planning to hollow something out and stick a candle in it to scare the kiddies I would probably choose a sheeps head or a recently deceased relative. Of course back in the day one couldn't rely on one's relatives to die at a convenient moment but we have walk in freezers nowadays, not to mention the possibility of euthanasia laws getting through parliament. Personally I suspect that the pumpkin growers lobby may have a great deal to do with the way we celebrate Halloween.

And so on to the Melbourne Cup. Unlike Halloween the Melbourne Cup stays true to its religious origins. Across Australia millions of people put money in the collection plate and bow their heads in possibly the most sincere prayer they will ever utter. At the track itself of course there are corporate marquees (you know you've made it when you're too fancy to use the word tent) and various high society trash but for a few minutes even they raise their eyes to heaven (or the big screen tv in their tent) and become as one with the rest of us. I have never quite understood horse racing. As far as I can tell it consists of dressing a group of undernourished midgets in carnival clothes and then putting them on the back of a rather large animal which they hit with a whip in order to make it run in circles. I'm not saying it doesn't sound like fun but I'm really surprised it caught on on such a large scale. Still horse racing is the sport of kings apparently although a better description would probably be the sport of sheiks, mafiosi, corporations, the occasional gun runner and the queen of England. The race goes for about three minutes, the television coverage lasts for about seven hours. Still it is "the race that stops the nation". It certainly stops me, partly because I can't get anyone to answer my phone calls but mainly because my employers open up one of their conference rooms, show the race on a big screen and hand out free champagne. I'd probably celebrate my own execution if I got a ten minute break from work and a free glass of champagne in order to do so.

Incidentally, apparently today is All Saints Day whatever that is. A Phillipino colleague of mine tells me that they have a picnic in a cemetery. Beats work.

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