Switzerland (via Finland)

"What do you guys know about Switzerland?"

It was an innocent enough question I thought but when I posed it to my tech support their eyes narrowed and the air suddenly got a lot chillier.  I don't how they manage the climate control in my apartment from Minsk but I could actually see the ice forming on the exposed surfaces.

"What do you know about Switzerland?" they demanded.

"Same as everyone else I guess; chocolate, fondue and army knives."  They nodded approvingly.  Then because I just couldn't help myself, "Also; tax evasion, money laundering and Nazi gold."  The temperature promptly dropped back down to ninth circle of Hell levels.  "I'm planning on taking a holiday there that's all."  I smiled in what I hoped was a reassuring manner.  They backed away slowly and decided to believe me.

"Why are you taking a holiday in Switzerland?"  Their tone wasn't exactly hostile but it did manage to indicate that hostility could be accessed very quickly if needed.

"I've never been," I replied.

"So what?  You've never been to Finland either."

"Oh that reminds me, I'm also going to Finland."

Finland was apparently much safer territory than Switzerland because my tech support relaxed and started providing me with a list of must see tourist attractions and for some reason Helsinki restaurants that could be relied on to prepare rotten herring just so.  Things were going very swimmingly until I had to mention that I might just drop across the Swiss border in Liechtenstein for a few days. 

"We may have to kill you."

"Why?"

"If we told you that we'd definitely have to kill you.  It's probably better if you keep us undecided for as long as possible."

"Guys I'm just going on a holiday.  Catch trains, photograph historical whatnots and picturesque nature thingies, ride the occasional zeppelin that sort of thing."

Eventually I persuaded them of my innocent intentions and the next thing I knew I had a dictionary sized list of "favours" I could do for them while I was on holiday.  One of them included looking after a Swiss banker although I was a little concerned to note that they had put the words "take care of him" in inverted commas.  I probed delicately on that subject.

"Oh that means we want you to kill him."

"Thank god, I thought he was going to expect sexual favours."

Having persuaded my tech support that wet works really weren't within my skill set and promised to say hello to the Prince of Liechtenstein for them I am now ready for my holiday.  I just need to hope that the corona virus currently wandering around northern Italy doesn't decide to pop across the border to sample things Swiss.