Seriously there isn't going to be an animal left on the planet by the time COVID-19 is through. The Humane Society has issued a public statement begging people to stop hating on bats. Apparently panic stricken mobs have been storming castles all over the country not to kill the mad scientist in the basement but rather the bats in the eaves. News that COVID-19 may have started because somebody ate a bat in Wuhan has tainted the entire species in the eyes of the suspicious and stupid ie most people. Police are being flooded with reports of suspicious behaviour by thoroughly innocent bats. The Humane Society is wearily pointing out that the species of bat which started this whole mess actually lives in China and is rarely granted a visa to visit Australia. Any bats currently in the country are almost certainly innocent. Although that doesn't mean you should eat them. At least not without washing your hands first.
Moving from bats to hairdressers (as one does) the hairdressing industry is begging the government to shut it down. So far the government appears to think that the danger of a bad haircut is worse than the danger of COVID-19. The government announced yesterday that visits to hairdressers were limited to thirty minutes. It was pointed out that any visit to the hairdresser takes longer than that at which point the government apparently shrugged its shoulders and said stay as long as you like. This news could change by tomorrow, possibly twice.
Up in Queensland a northern Queensland politician has asked to close the border between northern Queensland and the rest of Queensland. Unfortunately there isn't any such border so I'm afraid northern Queensland is stuck with the rest of Queensland much like Australia. In Victoria (its the small, narrow bit underneath New South Wales) the government is charging ahead largely on its own initiative. They have shut schools (well actually they just brought the Easter holidays forward but the effect is the same) and are muttering darkly about total lockdowns, the thing that New Zealand introduced yesterday. Meanwhile in Canberra the head beekeeper of the Australian parliament (I'm not even going to try and explain that) has "socially distanced" himself from his bees. So I guess the bees are screwed as well.
Reservists are being recalled and the Western Australian government has asked for the assistance of the navy in keeping a cruise liner out of harbour. They probably mean that they want the navy to refuel it offshore or something but one gets the impression they wouldn't be entirely heartbroken if the navy simply put a torpedo into the thing. Whether the navy will help or not seems unclear at this point as is whether the navy can help. It would be a little embarrassing if it turns out our navy can't project power as far as a cruise ship just off the coast. Nevertheless it would appear our military is gearing up. They've only just stood down after the bushfires. Let's hope we don't have a war because frankly our defenders are going to be exhausted.
Social distancing is starting to take a hold. I travelled to my office today, ostensibly for some on site technical assistance but actually to water my plant. Now that most of the passengers are gone the public transport system is working with amazing efficiency. I'm considering making virus prank calls to keep this level of service up. Tomorrow is another day and that day will no doubt be another one of mixed messages and confusion. And possibly a torpedoed cruise liner.
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