Plague Update #6 - We Are All Sith Lords Now

Greetings disease junkies.  What do Australians have in common with Sith Lords?  Well apparently we both have to adhere to the Rule of Two.  This is the most number of people that can now gather together in a spirit of comradeship.  It's also the minimum number required to have an effective fight.  If your family is larger than two people this is the perfect opportunity to drive that irritating relative out into the cold.  Fortunately I live alone otherwise I'm pretty sure I would have come back from the shops to find my locks had been changed.

On a slight non-sequitur, how stupid are Sith Lords?  There can only be two, a master and an apprentice.  How does an apprentice become a master?  Dead man's boots.  That must be an interesting induction.
"So, you want to become a Sith Lord?  The first thing you've got to do is cast around and find the person you would most like to be murdered by, then teach them everything you know.  That couldn't go badly wrong could it"

On the subject of things that couldn't go badly wrong our government has decided to provide funding for those people who have lost their jobs to keep their jobs.  The money will go to employers who have to pinky swear, hand on heart, that they will pass at least some of it along to the employees they have stood down.  I can't help thinking that some people are going to get very, very rich.

As well as at least notionally supporting those struggling at this time of national emergency the government has taken long overdue steps to curb the freedom of old people.  Henceforth our prime minister has encouraged the elderly not to leave home without a handler.  Hopefully these leash holders will prevent a vast rise in geriatric instigated crime and anti social behaviour which has been the curse of our society for years.  Once the elderly are under effective house arrest they will be utterly dependent on a stream of people knocking on their door to see if they are all right while simultaneously breathing all over them.  We should have our pension bill knocked down to manageable levels by Christmas.

Of course it isn't all good news.  A bunch of doctors flew home from Peru and were placed into quarantine from which over thirty promptly absconded and travelled all over the country.  These are medical professionals, something to remember any time you get a little irritated because the halfwit in the street isn't taking this seriously.  The Western Australian police are taking this seriously.  Not satisfied with reducing the alcohol consumption of the state to one lake per person per day they are deploying drones to irritate people wandering around outdoors.  National emergencies are great for authoritarians because it gives them an excuse to do the sort of things they wanted to do anyway.

A senator from the Greens party (they're all pretty much interchangeable) suggested that the outbreak was an excellent reason to stop horse and dog racing (speaking of excuses to do what you wanted to do anyway).  I must say I agree with her, what with the bats and the seagulls and the quokkas surely we've had our fill of animal cruelty for a while and if you really do want to gamble get your significant other to dress up in a jockey costume while you toss money into a hole in the ground.

I've actually started to notice that something's changed.  Apart from the fact that I'm working from home.  I was out on the street yesterday (going to the shops for essential supplies officer, put down that cattle prod) and I noticed a large number of people walking dogs. Then I realised it was because there was nobody else on the street.  At the light rail station a masked cleaning crew were wiping down and santising every hand rail in the train and the only other passenger was interrogating the cleaners about the possibility of getting a job with their employers.  

Meanwhile scientists race to find a cure, and in some cases just ways to pass the time.  An astrophysicist tried to develop a device to prevent people from touching their faces and accidentally got four neodymium magnets stuck up his nose, as you do.  At least that's what he told the hospital when he turned up there and I'm prepared to bet a nose isn't the weirdest place they've had to remove neodymium magnets from.