Save A Bicyclist, Drive on the Footpath

Continuing my impromptu series of stuff I see out the window of my cafe comes a blog entry about bicyclists. There are a group of bicyclists sitting at one of the outside tables. I know they're bicyclists because we are too far from the beach for them to be surfers. There they sit talking, no doubt, about all things bicycley.

At least, I assume that's what they're talking about. It's entirely possible that they are discussing the economic impact of Ferdinand II's expulsion of Protestants from Bohemia in 1620 (the economic impact was pretty severe actually as they were the most productive part of the population but Ferdinand was far more interested in religious orthodoxy than he was in economic management).

Sydney isn't really set up for bicycles, there are a handful of bike lanes which go nowhere in particular and tend to end at awkward (and occasionally life threatening) moments but for the rest bike riders have to ride on the roads where they are terrorised by motorists or on the pavement where they terrorise pedestrians. Various idiots bemoan the fact that Sydney isn't more like Copenhagen or Amsterdam in its bike friendliness. These people are forgetting that both these cities are virtually flat and that they are situated in countries you could spit across thus making car ownership less critical.

Still some things could be done to make Sydney a little more friendly to bicycles. I think the best thing we could do is give pedestrians sticks. Every time they see a bicyclist on the footpath they could hit them with the stick. This would drive bike riders onto the roads. Once there the bicyclists could challenge car drivers for possession of the streets. I realise that this may seem like a one sided struggle but you'd be amazed at how much damage a bicycle can do to the front end of a modern car, particularly if you hit it at a high enough speed. That's before we even get on to the inconvenience of hosing bits of bicyclist off the underside.

Of course some bicyclists will fall by the wayside (or kerbside if you prefer) but these would be the weak and sickly. Those who survived would be the strong. The hard, ferocious bicyclists who will rise from their mangled bikes red eyed and thirsting for revenge. I give it about six months before motorists have been terrified off the streets and have started driving on the pavement instead.

Hmm, it looks like we're going to have to give the pedestrians bigger sticks.