I am a Freaking Genius

Ha ha hah hah hah hah hah hah hah heeee!! Oh boy, Wah hah hah hah hah hah hah hee hee hee hee hee ho ho ho!!

Sorry about the above, I've just been thinking about last nights cricket match between England and Ireland. Dear oh dear, quite made my day really.

Anyway, to business. As I mentioned in the title I am a freaking genius. Not two months ago I suggested that eating locusts may be a way out of Australia's awkwardness with agriculture. The awkwardness being that we produce an immense amount of agriculture on a continent not really designed for it with the result that our farmers tend to go through periods of (quite literally) feast or famine.

Now, to my delight, an article (in the Business Spectator) suggests exactly the same thing and cites the research of some Dutch entomologists who state that there are over a thousand species of edible insects in the world. People who insist on opening their mouths while riding a motorbike probably get most of them in one afternoon. Another slightly less icky idea is that harvested insects could be ground down as protein rich food for cattle and the like which is much better than the current option of feeding them ground down cattle. Insects take less grinding down as well. As a matter of fact an insect is pretty much ground down.

I am sitting here basking in the glow of my own cleverness. Is there a sort of opposite to schadenfreude where rather than getting a guilty pleasure at the suffering of others one gets a smug pleasure at totally coincidental justification? If there is I'm sure the Germans have a word for it. I must ask Thomas. German is such a delightfully expressive language. There's a word for everything and if there isn't they'll just make one up.

Anyway my locust driven justification has prompted me to gaze around the world to see who else could benefit from my undoubted genius. Libya comes to mind. Muammar, its time to go. If, in forty years, you haven't amassed enough money in boltholes around the world to keep you in buxom nurses and gold plated tents then you really haven't been trying. There are certain things which are expected from crazy dictators. One of those things is not being quite so crazy as to be unable to read the writing on the wall.

Then there is global warming. My suggestion; buy shares in companies which sell sunblock. Also avoid beachfront property. Actually avoiding beachfront property is a good idea at anytime particularly Summer unless you like the idea of half a million tourists, backpackers and assorted beach goers pissing on your fence. A slightly more sane piece of investment advice can be found from a business journalist (whose name I forget otherwise I would have given him credit, honest) about building a share portfolio. He suggests getting a list of the top two hundred companies by market capitalisation then going through the list and crossing out any you have never heard of or don't know what they do and investing in the top twenty remaining. I plan to do this as soon as I get any money.

Finally what to do about the American economy, here's a bold suggestion. Reintroduce slavery. With the minimum wage at the level it is most of the enslaved won't really notice the difference and you might find that wealthier people actually try harder to keep their employees alive when the death of one results in the loss of an asset from their balance sheet.

I think that's most of the major problems in the world solved. I await a visit from either the Nobel Prize Committee or possibly a mental health professional. In the meantime I'm going to go and watch a replay of the England-Ireland match. It just doesn't get old.