Get Your Beatification in Now to Avoid Armageddon

May 21st, remember the date. On that day the world comes to an end. At least this is according to the calculations of Family Radio a Christian ministry based in (do I need to say it?) the United States. Apparently their crack team of theological mathematicians (those who can both read the bible and do sums) has determined that the apocalypse will occur on May 21st 2011. That's one in the eye for all of the idiots who were relying on Mayan superstition to give them until 2012. Meanwhile the premier of New South Wales is probably wishing it had come a month earlier as actual Armageddon is the only thing that will save her from the electoral version of the same come Saturday.

Placing an actual date on Armageddon is never a good idea, particularly if you're religious. For starters there is always the danger you'll be wrong and then you're going to look like a complete dick. Even worse you might be right (as the Aztecs were) and then the consequences could be even more dire. If you are right everybody will blame you for the whole event and that might make your last hours a little unpleasant. Still being wrong is probably worse, as the clock ticks over to May 22nd there are going to be a group of people standing around looking at their watches and avoiding each others gaze. Unless the world does end in which case I suppose they'll be delighted.

Actually history suggests that predicting Armageddon is no bad thing. In the past even when the time has come and passed a little backing and filling about how god decided to spare us for a little while longer tends to keep the masses satisfied. Let's face it, you're not exactly preaching to people with a full deck. If they were prepared to believe you when you said the end of the world was coming they'll probably swallow any excuse you provide for it being late. When all is said and done who can complain about not dying in a fiery hellscape anyway?

Still on things religious it would appear that the pope is going to beatify his predecessor. This seems appropriate since the only way a Catholic could avoid beatification during the pontificate of John Paul 2 was by committing suicide. One can imagine the throng in Heaven parading their beatifications while John Paul sits sadly wondering what the hell is taking Ratzinger so long. You'd better hurry up Josef, you've only got until May 21st.

Incidentally my spell checker insists on spelling Armageddon with a capital "A". Is Armageddon a proper noun? I didn't think so but I will accept the testimony of anyone with a vague comprehension of grammar.