Water Water Everywhere But Does it Come in a Cool Blue Bottle

I have been informed that I should drink more water. This would have many health benefits the first of which would be not dying of thirst. Not dying of thirst would apparently extend my life expectancy considerably. Doctors all over the world have commented favourably on the beneficial effects of not dying of thirst.

So I'm sitting here with a glass and a bottle of suspiciously clear liquid in front of me. This is actually not unusual but this particular bottle doesn't have faux Russian lettering on it. After five minutes of waiting I realise it isn't going to get any more interesting so I drink it. It's ok, nothing special but it goes down without complaint. As the essential fuel of life its a little disappointing really.

Water should glitter, it should sparkle, it should throb with the presence of life both potential and actual. Although if your water does throb with life may I suggest you boil it first. Water possesses what I call the blandness of the essential. Something as absolutely vital as water doesn't actually need to be interesting. Beauty, decoration, cool accessories; these are the hallmarks of the worthless and irrelevant. Such decoration is important to them because there really is no point in having them otherwise. Would anybody be interested in keeping up with the Kardashians for instance if they were a dull middle class family from Wyoming? Of course not but translate them into an excruciating (but well decorated) family from Los Angeles and suddenly people watch their show. I don't watch their show, I would sooner watch maggots eat my own intestines but other people watch it.

And yet the human race craves beauty and decoration. Our eyes slide right past the worthy and plain and settles with delight on sparkly rubbish. Even things that do have value are decorated to ensure that we will like them. Water itself isn't immune. There is an entire industry worth hundreds of millions of dollars a year dedicated to jazzing up and making appealing a substance we couldn't live without anyway. It would be amusing to see exactly how many people would die of thirst if they couldn't get their water in a translucent blue bottle with added electrolytes. What are electrolytes and what do they add to water? Specifically I think they add something to its price.

Triviality costs; people pay serious money for triviality and those people who work to create it take it very seriously indeed. In return for their efforts we get a bunch of stuff we didn't really need in the first place and their employers get seriously rich. But would we do without it? A world without decoration would be dull indeed, a bleak functional workspace devoid of character or warmth. Of course it would also be devoid of tackiness and Paris Hilton (forgive the tautology) so things wouldn't be all bad. Nevertheless I don't think people would like living here as much.

I've now drunk three glasses of water. It's not bad, I don't mind it at all but I can't help thinking it could be a little more interesting. What it needs is a translucent blue bottle and some wicked cool electrolytes.