Flee; It's the String Monster!!

The Hadron Supercollider is at it again, happily at work banging bits of things into other bits of things. Apparently by running lead atom nuclei into each other scientists have managed to create a series of miniature big bangs. At least they say its scientists, personally I suspect that the nightwatchman and the cleaning staff were a little bored one night and decided to see what would happen if they pressed the big button. Besides "miniature big bangs?". Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't a miniature big bang just a bang? I can produce the same result by blowing up a paper bag and hitting it smartly. I can see why the scientists (or cleaning staff) went with the miniature big bang title though. Can you imagine persuading various governments and research bodies to part with billions of dollars to dig almost thirty kilometres of tunnels and build a whacking great machine simply to create bangs? I think the marketing guys have been at work with the title.

So instead of bangs we have miniature big bangs which dovetail nicely with the miniature black holes that were supposed to be created but apparently weren't. I must say so far the Hadron Supercollider has been a bit of a disappointment, no mini black holes and only modest sized bangs. On balance the entire proceedings appear to have been a waste of lead. I hope they recycled the electrons. Even the name is a bit of a puff piece. The Hadron Supercollider? They could have just called it the Collider. Its entirely possible the people who put up the money though they were funding an amusement park ride. Roll up, roll up take a ride on the fabulous Hadron Supercollider. With over twenty kilometres of tunnels to employ I think an amusement park ride is still a viable option when the scientists get tired of making bangs.

Ah, mini big bangs, tiny black holes, breaking sub atomic particles into even subber atomic particles; there seems to be no end of really small things the scientists in charge of the supercollider can have fun with. One of the big (and by "big" I mean really, really small) things they are angling for is a complete understanding of string theory. Does anybody remember a time when a complete understanding of something was a prerequisite before turning on a machine that cost billions of dollars and just might blow the Earth out the back of the universe? Still the latest results are getting us a little closer to proving string theory. This is fantastic news for the dozen or so people on the planet for whom string theory doesn't involve a cat and a ball of yarn. For the rest of us it is sufficient to know that string theory is one of those things which if proven will mean that everything we thought we knew about the universe is completely wrong. After string theory is proved you'll never look at a plate of spaghetti in the same way again. String itself will be kept in a secure underground vault in order to protect the public. While its there scientists will, no doubt, shoot lead atom nuclei into it to see what happens.

I envisage a ninety foot tall, ravening string monster crushing our cities and laying waste to our civilisation. While stringmageddon takes place those humans who survived the initial carnage will have to cower in tunnels underground until the Great Fraying occurs. Fortunately there are some ready made tunnels just waiting for us in Europe. However we may have to put up with being hit by the occasional lead atom nucleus.