Me, Louis Kossuth and the Hot Polish Girl

I'm currently reading a biography of Louis Kossuth. Despite having a name that sounds like a creature from a Lovecraft novel Kossuth was a Hungarian nobleman, lawyer, journalist and politician who for a brief period in the nineteenth century was the most important man in the country. The author of the book is a chap named Istvan Deak, that name rang a bell in my Habsburg crazed mind and the dedication confirmed it. The book is dedicated to "my father who served Emperor Franz Josef in the Great War and to the memory of my great-grandfather who served Louis Kossuth in 1848."

Briefly; Kossuth was a member of the Hungarian lower nobility who, bereft of lands or money, trained as a lawyer. He wasn't alone, Hungary was neck deep in minor nobility without money and most of them seemed to become lawyers. Kossuth was a staunch Magyar patriot who wanted to improve the condition of his then still backward and feudal nation. Hungary was then a component of the Habsburg empire but jealously guarded its separate traditions and customs frequently revolting when Habsburg attempts to centralise (or horror of horrors) raise taxes seemed to threaten them.

Things had been quiet in Hungary for a while as the police state of Metternich kept discontent below the surface but the times seemed to suit the man when in 1848 revolution swept across Europe and the old social order seemed on the edge of collapse. The Habsburg empire in particular seemed to be flying apart in all directions; revolt in Italy, uprisings in Galicia, street protests in Prague and discontent even in Vienna. Hungary's own revolt started with Kossuth and his colleagues seizing the opportunity to extract a vast series of concessions from the half wit emperor and his terrified court. Although broad these weren't a declaration of independence but rather some much needed social reform coupled with a reassertion of Hungary's ancient rights which Emperor Ferdinand, in his role as King Ferdinand V of Hungary, was sworn to uphold. To a frightened and not particularly intelligent emperor besieged on all sides by problems he couldn't understand much less solve the situation appeared much darker. Ferdinand who, whatever his other failings, was a decent and honourable man might have let the situation stand but in 1849 he was persuaded to abdicate to put a more capable member of the dynasty on the throne. The first order of business for new emperor Franz Josef was to restore order in his territories, the second was to give the Hungarians who had taken advantage of imperial weakness a good slapping down.

The Hungarians, meanwhile, had their own issues. Although the Hungarian declaration had contained much social reform including emancipation of serfs and an extension of the electoral franchise (from almost nobody to very few) there were a number of points that were conspicuous by their absence. Apart from freeing the serfs there wasn't much in there for the average peasant to cheer about and some groups were excluded completely. The Kingdom of Hungary occupied a good deal of territory that wasn't actually populated by Hungarians. Various regions held large numbers of Slovaks, Romanians, Poles, Jews, Serbs and Croatians (the latter were particularly numerous in Croatia). These people gained little from Kossuth's achievements nor were they intended to. The Habsburg rule that had so chafed the Hungarians indirectly benefited these people as the Magyars were too busy holding their own against their imperial master to have much time free for oppressing their own minorities. The reforms gained by Kossuth changed the ballgame and when a vengeful dynasty raised its standard many of these people rallied to them. This was one of the advantages to ruling a multinational empire. The Habsburgs could almost always find one group of subjects who were prepared to help oppress the others. It could also help to explain why the inhabitants of central and southern Europe seem to have trouble getting on.

Long story short, civil war in Hungary was followed by a Habsburg invasion backed by Russian troops and after an heroic but doomed resistance the Hungarians were crushed and Kossuth was forced to flee the country. He never returned dying in exile in 1894.

All of the above is a long winded introduction to the explanation of how I managed to embarrass myself one night at the bar across the road from work. My colleagues and I frequently go to this bar, partly because it is a friendly welcoming place with comfy booths to sit in and partly because it sells alcohol and is two minutes walk away from the office. Anyway one night we were sitting at table discussing the various issues of the day when the conversation turned to the Russian language (as it does). Specifically we were wondering what the Russian word for "thank you" was. None of us knew but I thought I could find out. A few nights earlier one of my colleagues and I were at the bar and my colleague happened to point out that the young waitress patiently tolerating our behaviour was Russian. The same young lady was working this night and, anticipating returning to my comrades covered in glory, I approached her and spake thusly;
"Excuse me, you're Russian aren't you? Could you tell me the Russian for thank you please."
Under the circumstances her reply was a model of restraint.
"I'm Czech."

It probably takes very little imagination to realise why it might not be diplomatic to assume a Czech person is Russian and my anticipated glory turned to mortification as I apologised profusely and slunk back to my seat in shame. I was not so lost to embarrassment that I forgot to abuse the colleague who had misled me in the first place. In fact this was so much fun that I did it again that Friday when he and I were joined by the Hot Polish Girl. The Hot Polish Girl is a friend who occasionally joins us to add a little elegance to our proceedings on Fridays. I replayed the story of my embarrassment to her, placing much weight on my colleague's villainous misrepresentation and she agreed that being mistaken for Russian was unlikely to win many popularity contests in eastern Europe. She herself is apparently frequently mistaken for Swedish which is unsurprising as she is tall, blonde and good looking (which I think Swedes are meant to be).

The conversation would then have followed a path of discussion of ethnic stereotyping, human settlement patterns in agrarian Europe and the racial policies of the Habsburg and Romanov dynasties but the Hot Polish Girl left to go dancing so my colleague and I discussed the cricket and an idiotic game where we try to guess which of a bank of six lifts will answer our call first when we press the button.

Incidentally "The Hot Polish Girl" is a cunning pseudonym for an attractive young lady of eastern European provenance who for reasons which are probably obvious didn't want to be mentioned by name in this blog.