Today we had a cold snap that reminded us that Winter is just around the corner. I'm rather fond of Winter. All in all I think its my fourth favourite season. Although it's only May the signs of Winter have been gathering over the last few weeks. The days have been getting shorter, various aches and pains have been getting more pronounced and Muffy is shedding her Summer coat. In fact it doesn't seem to matter what season we're heading into, that cat changes its coat more frequently than Imelda Marcos at a garden party. At the moment she's sporting a bulky, fluffy number that makes her look like an overstuffed cushion with eyes.
In deference to the changing season I have slain a doona and laid its hide over my bed. For added insulation I have been stuffing my slippers with surplus to requirements cat fur. It may only be a Summer coat but my feet are toasty warm.
Getting out of bed is always fun as one gets to see which appendages shrivel and drop off on the mad dash to the shower. Also a suit and tie goes from being an intolerable imposition to the bare minimum necessary to ward off frostbite. I've even started cooking, largely so I can spend more time in the kitchen with the stove. Sleeping in, wearing a dressing gown in the middle of the day and designing ways to turn the cat into a fur lined footwarmer are some of the other little delights of Winter. Actually I do all those things in Summer too but they gain a little more credibility in Winter.
There is nothing better than standing outside on a cold Winter's night in the Blue Mountains and staring up at the sky. The stars seem to shine a little brighter and the air is like crystal. At least that's what I was told while I was sitting in the lounge room beside the fire. Winter in Sydney is a bit of a disappointment really. Yes, its cold and yes its dark but its nothing like a northern European Winter when its cold and dark at midday plus you get snow and ice on the ponds. If we had snow storms I would have a legitimate excuse for not going to work. As it is I just have to ring up and say, "I can't make it in, its a little nippy out." As excuses go this doesn't really impress anyone. It must be admitted that CityRail does try, generating rail chaos due to the "cold weather" that would have folk in England reaching for their bikinis.
Having experienced a single Winter in the northern hemisphere I must admit I don't know why they are bent out of shape about global warming. Personally I think the drowning or forced evacuation of two thirds of the worlds population would be a small price to pay for a temperate Christmas. As we flee inland to avoid the encroaching waters we can at least take comfort in the knowledge that the stuff won't be freezing over any time soon.
Still I have a fondness for snow. Admittedly it is a fondness created largely by my lack of experience with it. I can't help thinking how nice it would be to stand in my flat and look out on swirling whiteness as it blankets everything in a picturesque layer. Actually I am standing in my flat looking on to swirling whiteness blanketing everything but my delight is tempered by the fact that I have to vacuum the damn stuff up.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
If You Skip to the End You Can Get On With Your Life
I wasn't going to write a blog entry this evening. I didn't really have anything to talk about but on reviewing the contents of this blog I notice that this hasn't stopped me in the past. Still I'm scraping for a topic, if I write any more about my cat or television people are going to suspect that there is nothing else in my life. Besides there's nothing good on television and the cat has just been sick on the carpet. Of course I could look at world events. There have been some of those. In Britain a recent election has just proved that nobody in the country really knows what to do but all are agreed that Gordon Brown shouldn't be the man doing it. Is it too late to suggest direct monarchical rule? On an unrelated note; England, South Africa called and wants its cricket team back.
In Australia mining companies are getting hot under the collar over a proposed new tax. Don't these guys have accountants? Our previously bullet proof Prime Minister has lost all his popularity with an election to come within twelve months. Frankly I'm surprised it took that long. I voted for him and have been feeling slightly silly ever since. Our army has hotly denied claims that defence procurement is a mess and released a photo of well equipped Australian soldiers in Afghanistan to prove their case. Unfortunately a number of people have pointed out that while these soldiers were indeed well equipped their equipment was non standard. That is they had bought it at their own expense. Possibly rather than have a defence procurement system we should just give each soldier an allowance and tell them to equip themselves.
In Europe the same currency mechanism that means Greece's money is grossly overvalued also means that Germany's is greatly undervalued thus helping their economy. Germany, I expect to hear no more complaints about bailing out the Greeks, their economic fecklessness is actually benefiting you. At least up until the point when your banks want some of the money they foolishly lent the Greeks back. Meanwhile the European central bank, or whatever the hell they have, responds to the increasing disaster by adding extra noughts to the bailout package. The current price, more money than anyone could ever possibly gather if they tried for the rest of their lives.
Off the coast of Africa Somali pirates hijacked a Russian oil tanker and a Russian destroyer hijacked it right back. The name of the destroyer is the Marshal Shaposhnikov. There have been two of these in Russian history. The current one is advisor to the Russian president on aviation and space exploration. The previous one was an officer in Stalin's army but surprisingly wasn't murdered. Incidentally one of the ways you can tell that a country doesn't have a particularly prominent navy is when they name ships after soldiers rather than sailors.
Still on the topic of things Russian their gas conglomerate (amusingly called Gazprom) is planning a merger with the Ukrainian gas distribution company Naftohaz. The Ukrainian government is quietly having kittens as Naftohaz is about the only thing in their country that makes money and handing it over to Gazprom would basically make Ukraine a Russian colony. When this was mentioned Russian Prime Minister, Vladimir Putin said "Really, I hadn't realised," and smiled a little creepily.
In Venezuela the government of Hugo Chavez has arrested a number of butchers for causing 30% inflation. Oddly the Greek government has offered to take them off his hands if they can achieve the same result in Greece. Everything is still a relentless shit storm of misery in Haiti but Angelina Jolie has left now so at least the Haitians have one blessing to count.
Corruption allegations continue to dog the Indian Premier League 20-20 cricket competition. Who would have thought that a sporting competition set up in India by a multi billionaire could have been susceptible to bribery? My faith in human nature is dented. Also from India a yogi is claiming to have lived for 70 years without food or water. Science is apparently baffled. Representatives of the world grocery industry have put a contract out on his life and are surreptitiously mailing him McHappy Meal vouchers in the hopes he takes the hint.
Mothers day came and went in Australia with a flurry of facebook entries. Exactly how did we find out things we never wanted to know about our friends before facebook? I think we were reduced to talking to them. Fortunately we have gone beyond that now.
I have now missed the first half hour of Taggart writing this blog entry but that's ok. There will be at least three more murders and I should be able to catch up with the plot in between the blood spatters. This has got to be the most pointless blog entry I have ever written. I hope when you get to the end of it you will feel as embarrassed about wasting your time reading it as I am at having written it.
In Australia mining companies are getting hot under the collar over a proposed new tax. Don't these guys have accountants? Our previously bullet proof Prime Minister has lost all his popularity with an election to come within twelve months. Frankly I'm surprised it took that long. I voted for him and have been feeling slightly silly ever since. Our army has hotly denied claims that defence procurement is a mess and released a photo of well equipped Australian soldiers in Afghanistan to prove their case. Unfortunately a number of people have pointed out that while these soldiers were indeed well equipped their equipment was non standard. That is they had bought it at their own expense. Possibly rather than have a defence procurement system we should just give each soldier an allowance and tell them to equip themselves.
In Europe the same currency mechanism that means Greece's money is grossly overvalued also means that Germany's is greatly undervalued thus helping their economy. Germany, I expect to hear no more complaints about bailing out the Greeks, their economic fecklessness is actually benefiting you. At least up until the point when your banks want some of the money they foolishly lent the Greeks back. Meanwhile the European central bank, or whatever the hell they have, responds to the increasing disaster by adding extra noughts to the bailout package. The current price, more money than anyone could ever possibly gather if they tried for the rest of their lives.
Off the coast of Africa Somali pirates hijacked a Russian oil tanker and a Russian destroyer hijacked it right back. The name of the destroyer is the Marshal Shaposhnikov. There have been two of these in Russian history. The current one is advisor to the Russian president on aviation and space exploration. The previous one was an officer in Stalin's army but surprisingly wasn't murdered. Incidentally one of the ways you can tell that a country doesn't have a particularly prominent navy is when they name ships after soldiers rather than sailors.
Still on the topic of things Russian their gas conglomerate (amusingly called Gazprom) is planning a merger with the Ukrainian gas distribution company Naftohaz. The Ukrainian government is quietly having kittens as Naftohaz is about the only thing in their country that makes money and handing it over to Gazprom would basically make Ukraine a Russian colony. When this was mentioned Russian Prime Minister, Vladimir Putin said "Really, I hadn't realised," and smiled a little creepily.
In Venezuela the government of Hugo Chavez has arrested a number of butchers for causing 30% inflation. Oddly the Greek government has offered to take them off his hands if they can achieve the same result in Greece. Everything is still a relentless shit storm of misery in Haiti but Angelina Jolie has left now so at least the Haitians have one blessing to count.
Corruption allegations continue to dog the Indian Premier League 20-20 cricket competition. Who would have thought that a sporting competition set up in India by a multi billionaire could have been susceptible to bribery? My faith in human nature is dented. Also from India a yogi is claiming to have lived for 70 years without food or water. Science is apparently baffled. Representatives of the world grocery industry have put a contract out on his life and are surreptitiously mailing him McHappy Meal vouchers in the hopes he takes the hint.
Mothers day came and went in Australia with a flurry of facebook entries. Exactly how did we find out things we never wanted to know about our friends before facebook? I think we were reduced to talking to them. Fortunately we have gone beyond that now.
I have now missed the first half hour of Taggart writing this blog entry but that's ok. There will be at least three more murders and I should be able to catch up with the plot in between the blood spatters. This has got to be the most pointless blog entry I have ever written. I hope when you get to the end of it you will feel as embarrassed about wasting your time reading it as I am at having written it.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Beware of Greeks Bearing CDOs
Question: What is the difference between Greece and Australia?
Answer: The Greek community in Australia has made a valuable contribution to society.
Not just in Australia either, everywhere around the world that Greeks have settled they have rapidly become industrious and valued members of the community. Everywhere except Greece. In Greece people are rioting in the streets and tossing firebombs at each other because it looks like they will have to accept being paid what they are worth and paying tax on even this.
Admittedly things would be pretty lean in my household if I was paid what I was worth but at least I pay tax; mostly. At the moment the principal issue in Greece seems to be whether they default on their debt now or later. Either possibility doesn't look good for the population of Greece but making the choice might determine whether the people of France and Germany crucify their politicians. Perhaps a new currency is the answer. For those nations (you know who you are) who have really screwed the pooch financially we could introduce a Euro Lite. This would be good for all transactions within the countries concerned and absolutely nowhere else. The Greeks will have to pull their socks up once the only people they can trade with are Portugal and Italy.
Meanwhile Moody's and Fitch still have Spain at a AAA credit rating thus proving that they have the judgment of a gerbil on crack. Spain hasn't deserved a triple A credit rating since the days of Charles V (and they only had it then because nobody understood the inflationary impact of American silver). The really worrying thing about Spain is that by comparison with Greece they do still look like a viable economy. I hope the Icelanders are hanging onto their cod. Its looking better and better as a legitimate means of exchange.
Across Europe as the economic storm clouds gather one question rises above all the others; "Is there any way we can blame Goldman Sachs for this?" Goldman Sachs has its own problems. Across the Atlantic the SEC, America's near comatose "regulatory" body, has taken the merchant bank to task for apparently doing something wrong. It would appear (or is alleged or whatever other phraseology won't get me sued) that a hedge fund with slightly more intelligence than most sniffed the wind on subprime mortgages and got Goldman Sachs to create a Collateralised Debt Obligation made up of dreadful loans so they could short sell it. Goldman Sachs then sold this turd basket to simple minded, unsophisticated investors like the Royal Bank of Scotland who bought it with money that was almost certainly not theirs to begin with. As the GFC unfolds it is getting increasingly difficult to separate the evil from the simply relentlessly stupid. The hedge fund made a fortune, Goldman Sachs did all right and RBS is now owned by the British government which is another way of say they're screwed. I understand their last company announcement was simply "Oh shit!" The beautiful thing about all this is so far Goldman Sachs has done nothing wrong (in a very narrow legal sense), the SEC is on their back because they (allegedly, putatively etc etc) didn't disclose the hedge funds role in creating the CDO.
Warren Buffet is on record as saying that he believes the Goldman Sachs management team haven't done anything wrong (or at least nothing illegal, or at the very least nothing that can be proved to be illegal, or at the absolute very least nothing that Warren Buffet thinks should be illegal). I must admit that I find it difficult to ignore the opinion of possibly the only billionaire in America who hasn't been hitting the taxpayer for a hand out.
But back to Greece. What on earth are the Greeks going to do? Here's my suggestion; emigrate. Its worked for them in the past and I see no reason why it shouldn't work again now. When the debt collectors kick in the door they will find nothing in Greece except some abandoned furniture and a couple of mothballs. Of course various other countries will find themselves in deep trouble because of this but they will have an influx of eager hard working migrants to help pull them out of it. And if there really are any Greeks out there too lazy, stupid or useless to find a job in another country, I understand the position of Premier of New South Wales will be vacant in a couple of weeks.
Answer: The Greek community in Australia has made a valuable contribution to society.
Not just in Australia either, everywhere around the world that Greeks have settled they have rapidly become industrious and valued members of the community. Everywhere except Greece. In Greece people are rioting in the streets and tossing firebombs at each other because it looks like they will have to accept being paid what they are worth and paying tax on even this.
Admittedly things would be pretty lean in my household if I was paid what I was worth but at least I pay tax; mostly. At the moment the principal issue in Greece seems to be whether they default on their debt now or later. Either possibility doesn't look good for the population of Greece but making the choice might determine whether the people of France and Germany crucify their politicians. Perhaps a new currency is the answer. For those nations (you know who you are) who have really screwed the pooch financially we could introduce a Euro Lite. This would be good for all transactions within the countries concerned and absolutely nowhere else. The Greeks will have to pull their socks up once the only people they can trade with are Portugal and Italy.
Meanwhile Moody's and Fitch still have Spain at a AAA credit rating thus proving that they have the judgment of a gerbil on crack. Spain hasn't deserved a triple A credit rating since the days of Charles V (and they only had it then because nobody understood the inflationary impact of American silver). The really worrying thing about Spain is that by comparison with Greece they do still look like a viable economy. I hope the Icelanders are hanging onto their cod. Its looking better and better as a legitimate means of exchange.
Across Europe as the economic storm clouds gather one question rises above all the others; "Is there any way we can blame Goldman Sachs for this?" Goldman Sachs has its own problems. Across the Atlantic the SEC, America's near comatose "regulatory" body, has taken the merchant bank to task for apparently doing something wrong. It would appear (or is alleged or whatever other phraseology won't get me sued) that a hedge fund with slightly more intelligence than most sniffed the wind on subprime mortgages and got Goldman Sachs to create a Collateralised Debt Obligation made up of dreadful loans so they could short sell it. Goldman Sachs then sold this turd basket to simple minded, unsophisticated investors like the Royal Bank of Scotland who bought it with money that was almost certainly not theirs to begin with. As the GFC unfolds it is getting increasingly difficult to separate the evil from the simply relentlessly stupid. The hedge fund made a fortune, Goldman Sachs did all right and RBS is now owned by the British government which is another way of say they're screwed. I understand their last company announcement was simply "Oh shit!" The beautiful thing about all this is so far Goldman Sachs has done nothing wrong (in a very narrow legal sense), the SEC is on their back because they (allegedly, putatively etc etc) didn't disclose the hedge funds role in creating the CDO.
Warren Buffet is on record as saying that he believes the Goldman Sachs management team haven't done anything wrong (or at least nothing illegal, or at the very least nothing that can be proved to be illegal, or at the absolute very least nothing that Warren Buffet thinks should be illegal). I must admit that I find it difficult to ignore the opinion of possibly the only billionaire in America who hasn't been hitting the taxpayer for a hand out.
But back to Greece. What on earth are the Greeks going to do? Here's my suggestion; emigrate. Its worked for them in the past and I see no reason why it shouldn't work again now. When the debt collectors kick in the door they will find nothing in Greece except some abandoned furniture and a couple of mothballs. Of course various other countries will find themselves in deep trouble because of this but they will have an influx of eager hard working migrants to help pull them out of it. And if there really are any Greeks out there too lazy, stupid or useless to find a job in another country, I understand the position of Premier of New South Wales will be vacant in a couple of weeks.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Birthday Greetings #6
Happy birthday to Leopold II, Holy Roman Emperor between 1790 and 1792. Leopold was the third son of Maria Theresa of Austria and her largely irrelevant husband Francis of Lorraine (less well known as Holy Roman Emperor Franz I). Leopold's status went up a notch when his elder brother died and he became second in line to the throne. He was made Grand Duke of Tuscany which at the time was one of those chunks of Italy that the Habsburgs parcelled out to various relatives to keep them out of trouble.
On the death of his father his elder brother Joseph took over the empire (and made a dreadful hash of it) and Leopold settled down to rule Tuscany. During his time there he disbanded the military, stamped out corruption, introduced enlightened laws for the care of the mentally ill, banned torture and capital punishment, initiated a public works program and gave the people a constitution. Naturally he was cordially disliked by his subjects.
In 1790 his brother Joseph II, who had been running his own reform project with disastrous consequences, died and Leopold traded up to become Holy Roman Emperor. Voltaire's quip about the Holy Roman Empire being neither holy nor Roman nor even an empire is too irresistible not to steal. I have mentioned before the somewhat ambivalent attitude the Habsburgs had towards genius. Joseph was a perfect example of why. If not a genius he was at least an intelligent and gifted man who was determined to reform his creaking old empire from the ground up. A firm believer in enlightened despotism, from the moment he took the throne he drowned his subjects in such a blizzard of reforms that by the time he died almost the entire empire was on the point of revolt. The exception was the Austrian Netherlands (Belgium) which was actually revolting (some would argue it still is).
Leopold arrived in Vienna fresh from his reforming successes in Tuscany and very swiftly realised that the only way to save the situation was to backpedal very rapidly on the entire reform issue. This eased tensions which was necessary as Prussia was hostile, Russia ambitious and France was sliding into revolution. While deploring the collapse of royal power in France Leopold wasn't exactly disappointed to see the nation that was the Habsburgs oldest rival descending into chaos. He had some sympathy for his younger sister Marie Antoinette but one gets the impression that possibly not very much. He was still a reform minded man and if circumstances had forced him to become a pillar of the establishment he was still determined that the establishment should earn its support. He kept French noble refugees (who were demanding he invade France) at arms length, made peace with the Turks (in one of his sillier moments big brother Joseph had got involved in a war with them) and kept the Russians and Prussians on their toes. Unfortunately the next thing he did was die. The throne went to his eldest son Franz II (later Franz I of Austria) who was an exemplar of the fine Habsburg tradition of mediocrity.
Many observers have commented that it was a pity for the empire that Leopold died after only two years on the throne and before drowning his eldest son. The Habsburg empire would last for another hundred and twenty six years and have four more emperors but none of them would approach Leopold (or even Joseph) in ability.
On the death of his father his elder brother Joseph took over the empire (and made a dreadful hash of it) and Leopold settled down to rule Tuscany. During his time there he disbanded the military, stamped out corruption, introduced enlightened laws for the care of the mentally ill, banned torture and capital punishment, initiated a public works program and gave the people a constitution. Naturally he was cordially disliked by his subjects.
In 1790 his brother Joseph II, who had been running his own reform project with disastrous consequences, died and Leopold traded up to become Holy Roman Emperor. Voltaire's quip about the Holy Roman Empire being neither holy nor Roman nor even an empire is too irresistible not to steal. I have mentioned before the somewhat ambivalent attitude the Habsburgs had towards genius. Joseph was a perfect example of why. If not a genius he was at least an intelligent and gifted man who was determined to reform his creaking old empire from the ground up. A firm believer in enlightened despotism, from the moment he took the throne he drowned his subjects in such a blizzard of reforms that by the time he died almost the entire empire was on the point of revolt. The exception was the Austrian Netherlands (Belgium) which was actually revolting (some would argue it still is).
Leopold arrived in Vienna fresh from his reforming successes in Tuscany and very swiftly realised that the only way to save the situation was to backpedal very rapidly on the entire reform issue. This eased tensions which was necessary as Prussia was hostile, Russia ambitious and France was sliding into revolution. While deploring the collapse of royal power in France Leopold wasn't exactly disappointed to see the nation that was the Habsburgs oldest rival descending into chaos. He had some sympathy for his younger sister Marie Antoinette but one gets the impression that possibly not very much. He was still a reform minded man and if circumstances had forced him to become a pillar of the establishment he was still determined that the establishment should earn its support. He kept French noble refugees (who were demanding he invade France) at arms length, made peace with the Turks (in one of his sillier moments big brother Joseph had got involved in a war with them) and kept the Russians and Prussians on their toes. Unfortunately the next thing he did was die. The throne went to his eldest son Franz II (later Franz I of Austria) who was an exemplar of the fine Habsburg tradition of mediocrity.
Many observers have commented that it was a pity for the empire that Leopold died after only two years on the throne and before drowning his eldest son. The Habsburg empire would last for another hundred and twenty six years and have four more emperors but none of them would approach Leopold (or even Joseph) in ability.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Let's Roll Kate Moss in Crushed Sea Snails
One of the luxury goods produced by the Byzantine empire was silk robes of breathtaking colour and magnificent quality. For centuries these beautiful garments were a tool of Byzantine foreign policy. Barbarian warlords would visit Constantinople dressed in animal skins whose principal decoration was fleas. They would stare with envy at the magnificent clothing of their Byzantine interlocutors. Each of them imagined how classy they would look parading around at home in such items. Byzantine negotiators would delicately hint that if their talks came to a satisfactory conclusion then the emperor would surely present them with a few items as farewell presents. Furthermore it was possible that more could be forthcoming if the barbarians did a good job of guarding the imperial borders.
The fact that this sort of diplomacy worked for so long is a sad commentary on the propensity of human beings to be fashion victims. Of course the most gorgeously dressed of the lot was the emperor himself whose purple garments weren't for sale at any price. Purple silk was the highest standard of both luxury and status. It was reserved for the emperor and his immediate family. Somewhere along the line everybody managed to overlook the fact that silk came from a caterpillars arse and that the purple dye had been made by crushing up millions of sea snails. Naturally it was difficult (and very smelly) to create this dye thus adding to the rarity factor.
It is the same attitude that leads the robes of royalty (and members of Britain's House of Lords) to be lined with ermine. The ermine is a stoatlike thing whose pure white winter coat was highly prized for its purity and rarity. As time went by it got more rare and you can probably now see more ermine fur in the House of Lords than you can on actual living ermine.
Tastes change though over the years and what was in one century was definitely out a couple of hundred years later. In the early thirteenth century the Byzantine emperor and his courtiers decked themselves out in their finest in an attempt to impress some German guests. The Germans bluntly pointed out that their kings wore iron not silk and the moisture on their brow was not perfume but the sweat of the battlefield. Not coincidentally Constantinople was sacked a few years later as was the emperor.
In these modern and civilised times, of course, things have changed. Rather than crushing up inoffensive sea snails we just inject poison straight into our foreheads (I use the word "we" in a very loose sense) and insert silicon into various other parts of our anatomy. We send half starved drug freaks down a catwalk with various shreds of fabric hanging off them that a Byzantine emperor wouldn't wear in a fit and think that somehow we have come further than those barbarians staring in awe at the wonderful clothing of the imperial officials. The Maoris must be pleased to see that tattooing is making a comeback though.
On the subject of body shape too we have gone through a kaleidoscope of changes. It is highly likely that many of the beauties of yesteryear wouldn't be looked at today. There was even a short period in the early nineties when I was two thirds of the way towards being sexy. There was a brief fashion for skinny, effeminate pretty boys. I nailed the first two but fell down on the pretty, sigh. Things have now tilted back the other way so my faint hope of having to fight women off with a stick seems to have vanished. Mind you there are so many artificial enhancements that it's sometimes difficult to know what a persons bodyshape actually is. I'm pleased when I see a fat or ugly person on television (it happens about once a decade) as I know I'm probably looking at their genuine physique.
The real difference modern civilisation has made is in scale. The Byzantine emperor and his officials dressed largely to impress each other and the occasional foreign guest. Most citizens of the empire never saw them. Nowadays virtually everyone can see how the socially prominent are looking and what they are wearing and can attempt to imitate it. Possibly this is why so many people are so badly dressed. I feel quite smug, I'm badly dressed simply because I'm a bad dresser. Perhaps its time to reinvent some old fashions, Byzantium died in 1453 and is well due for a comeback. That is why its time to roll Kate Moss in squashed sea snails. It will make a nice change from cocaine.
The fact that this sort of diplomacy worked for so long is a sad commentary on the propensity of human beings to be fashion victims. Of course the most gorgeously dressed of the lot was the emperor himself whose purple garments weren't for sale at any price. Purple silk was the highest standard of both luxury and status. It was reserved for the emperor and his immediate family. Somewhere along the line everybody managed to overlook the fact that silk came from a caterpillars arse and that the purple dye had been made by crushing up millions of sea snails. Naturally it was difficult (and very smelly) to create this dye thus adding to the rarity factor.
It is the same attitude that leads the robes of royalty (and members of Britain's House of Lords) to be lined with ermine. The ermine is a stoatlike thing whose pure white winter coat was highly prized for its purity and rarity. As time went by it got more rare and you can probably now see more ermine fur in the House of Lords than you can on actual living ermine.
Tastes change though over the years and what was in one century was definitely out a couple of hundred years later. In the early thirteenth century the Byzantine emperor and his courtiers decked themselves out in their finest in an attempt to impress some German guests. The Germans bluntly pointed out that their kings wore iron not silk and the moisture on their brow was not perfume but the sweat of the battlefield. Not coincidentally Constantinople was sacked a few years later as was the emperor.
In these modern and civilised times, of course, things have changed. Rather than crushing up inoffensive sea snails we just inject poison straight into our foreheads (I use the word "we" in a very loose sense) and insert silicon into various other parts of our anatomy. We send half starved drug freaks down a catwalk with various shreds of fabric hanging off them that a Byzantine emperor wouldn't wear in a fit and think that somehow we have come further than those barbarians staring in awe at the wonderful clothing of the imperial officials. The Maoris must be pleased to see that tattooing is making a comeback though.
On the subject of body shape too we have gone through a kaleidoscope of changes. It is highly likely that many of the beauties of yesteryear wouldn't be looked at today. There was even a short period in the early nineties when I was two thirds of the way towards being sexy. There was a brief fashion for skinny, effeminate pretty boys. I nailed the first two but fell down on the pretty, sigh. Things have now tilted back the other way so my faint hope of having to fight women off with a stick seems to have vanished. Mind you there are so many artificial enhancements that it's sometimes difficult to know what a persons bodyshape actually is. I'm pleased when I see a fat or ugly person on television (it happens about once a decade) as I know I'm probably looking at their genuine physique.
The real difference modern civilisation has made is in scale. The Byzantine emperor and his officials dressed largely to impress each other and the occasional foreign guest. Most citizens of the empire never saw them. Nowadays virtually everyone can see how the socially prominent are looking and what they are wearing and can attempt to imitate it. Possibly this is why so many people are so badly dressed. I feel quite smug, I'm badly dressed simply because I'm a bad dresser. Perhaps its time to reinvent some old fashions, Byzantium died in 1453 and is well due for a comeback. That is why its time to roll Kate Moss in squashed sea snails. It will make a nice change from cocaine.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Don't Eat the Silver Balls
I am, rather slowly, eating a packet of mentos. On the side of the pack it states that mentos are "chewy dragees". A quick check of the internet informs me that dragees are either sugar coated medications or those little silver balls you get on the top of cupcakes. Well mentos are definitely not silver balls but unless they're a cure for not suffering diabetes I don't really get the medication part of the first definition.
It is entirely possible that something has been lost in translation. Lost or deliberately omitted. One of the most efficient ways to lie is to tell nothing but the truth. We have it on the authority of Wittgenstein himself that it is impossible for two people to communicate with each other, even in the same language, with no possibility of misunderstanding. Wittgenstein's position on this would have slightly more credibility if he hadn't previously written a book stating that you could. That's the great thing about philosophy. In any other discipline being completely wrong would make you look like an idiot, in philosophy it merely opens up fruitful avenues of enquiry.
I should mention that my knowledge of Wittgenstein is derived solely from what a friend of mine has told me about him on those rare occasions when I was bothering to listen. If anything I said is wrong you can put it down to a failure of communication. When we start trying to translate into other languages things get even worse. It amazes me that the human race manages to communicate at all. Things aren't helped in Australia where the teaching establishment seems determined to drag all students down to the educational level of their teachers.
Despite all of the obstacles sufficient information seems to get past our self created filters to, if not actually inform, then at least give a context for our ignorance. Of course there are certain areas when the withholding of information is the object of communication as with most government announcements. I went to a communications course at work recently where the whole topic was how to efficiently make oneself understood. Since I work for a solicitors firm such a course is desperately needed.
About halfway through the course I realised that what we were actually being taught was how to write a childrens book. That is, a book along the lines of "See Spot Run" rather than Harry Potter. I work for a large law firm that services huge corporate clients and the best method of communication is still "See Spot Run". Despite this the communications course is pretty much a work in progress. I plan to take my newly acquired knowledge and write a childrens book. If Chopper Reid can do it surely I can.
While I'm labouring over "See Spot Run; the Adventure Continues" I will sit and eat my chewy dragees while the "medicine" in them makes my teeth fall out. Incidentally, those silver balls on the top of cupcakes, the US FDA has deemed them unfit for human consumption. In another breakdown of communication I continue to do so without any ill effects so far.
It is entirely possible that something has been lost in translation. Lost or deliberately omitted. One of the most efficient ways to lie is to tell nothing but the truth. We have it on the authority of Wittgenstein himself that it is impossible for two people to communicate with each other, even in the same language, with no possibility of misunderstanding. Wittgenstein's position on this would have slightly more credibility if he hadn't previously written a book stating that you could. That's the great thing about philosophy. In any other discipline being completely wrong would make you look like an idiot, in philosophy it merely opens up fruitful avenues of enquiry.
I should mention that my knowledge of Wittgenstein is derived solely from what a friend of mine has told me about him on those rare occasions when I was bothering to listen. If anything I said is wrong you can put it down to a failure of communication. When we start trying to translate into other languages things get even worse. It amazes me that the human race manages to communicate at all. Things aren't helped in Australia where the teaching establishment seems determined to drag all students down to the educational level of their teachers.
Despite all of the obstacles sufficient information seems to get past our self created filters to, if not actually inform, then at least give a context for our ignorance. Of course there are certain areas when the withholding of information is the object of communication as with most government announcements. I went to a communications course at work recently where the whole topic was how to efficiently make oneself understood. Since I work for a solicitors firm such a course is desperately needed.
About halfway through the course I realised that what we were actually being taught was how to write a childrens book. That is, a book along the lines of "See Spot Run" rather than Harry Potter. I work for a large law firm that services huge corporate clients and the best method of communication is still "See Spot Run". Despite this the communications course is pretty much a work in progress. I plan to take my newly acquired knowledge and write a childrens book. If Chopper Reid can do it surely I can.
While I'm labouring over "See Spot Run; the Adventure Continues" I will sit and eat my chewy dragees while the "medicine" in them makes my teeth fall out. Incidentally, those silver balls on the top of cupcakes, the US FDA has deemed them unfit for human consumption. In another breakdown of communication I continue to do so without any ill effects so far.
Birthday Greetings #5
Happy birthday to Constantine III who was Byzantine emperor for about half an hour in 641AD. Actually Constantine reigned gloriously for all of four months before dying of tuberculosis. Really the only interesting thing about him is that he married his cousin. While this wouldn't raise an eyebrow in Habsburg circles the Eastern Christian church had a slightly less forgiving (not to say more sensible) attitude towards such things. Fortunately for Constantine his father went one further by marrying his own niece. After that criticism of Constantine's marriage rather faded into the background.
Although associated with his father's reign as co-emperor virtually from birth it wasn't until the old man died (crazy and twisted with illness to the delight of the church) that he stepped into the role of senior emperor. Then he died. His half brother, Heraklonas, took over for a brief period but suspicion that Constantine had been poisoned led to a furious reaction against him and his mother (the old emperor's niece remember) and they were both deposed and mutilated. My the Byzantine court was a cheery place at times.
Although associated with his father's reign as co-emperor virtually from birth it wasn't until the old man died (crazy and twisted with illness to the delight of the church) that he stepped into the role of senior emperor. Then he died. His half brother, Heraklonas, took over for a brief period but suspicion that Constantine had been poisoned led to a furious reaction against him and his mother (the old emperor's niece remember) and they were both deposed and mutilated. My the Byzantine court was a cheery place at times.
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