Silly After Action Report - For a Few Rounds More

 The weather was moderate with no wind. Major Hank O'Hare reflected on the fact that Europe seemed to have incredibly boring weather before returning his attention to the hole in the road in front of him. 

"You could fit an Oldsmobile in that," muttered a sergeant who already seemed to be scanning the rear for retreat lines. 

"Maybe it was a meteor," suggested a nervous GI. There was a sudden howling whistle and trees exploded, mutilated timber flying in all directions. O'Hare scrambled up onto a tank.

"Forward," yelled O'Hare. The sergeant stared at him.

"Are you serious?" demanded the sergeant.

"Unless you want to stay here," replied O'Hare. The sergeant looked around at the impromptu tree graveyard and shrugged.

"Forward it is."

So, SturmMörsers. First time I've played with them. Or more accurately since I'm the Americans it is the first time I've played in close proximity to them. Scenario J100 - For a Few Rounds More gives my opponent Dave two of these hulking, wildly impractical beasts as they and a somewhat ragtag collection of infantry attempt to delay inevitable defeat of Nazi Germany for about twenty five minutes. I command an impressive collection of American infantry and armour who have just encountered this roadblock in their attempt to encircle the Ruhr. To win I have to control three multihex buildings (building N1 counting double) while not taking 40 CVP. The war in Europe is nearly over and nobody wants "Death by Sturmmörser" on their resume at this stage. 

To snatch a few more feet of crumbling reich (which sounds like a chocolate bar) I have quite the force. Fourteen squads of battle ready GIs, five elite and nine first line guided by four officers led by a mighty 10-2 who astonished both me and my opponent by surviving the battle. A trio of medium machine guns, a heavy machine gun and three '45 bazookas equip my troops. Supporting the infantry are four tanks, two bog standard Shermans and a pair with the super sexy long barrelled 76mm gun. What could possibly stand in the way of this force? Cue dramatic music.

My opponent Dave has twelve squads of varying degrees of reluctance. Eight second line and four conscript squads somewhat nervously defend the buildings led by three officers of stupefying mediocrity. These losers are ridiculously gunned up with an hmg, a mmg, two lmgs and a panzerschreck. Two SPW 251/21 halftracks mounting 20mm guns add their firepower to the feldgrau. And then there are the SturmMörsers. Two of them. Big, slow, clumsy and equipped with a weapon that indicates they're clearly compensating for something. A 380mm mortar that has to be reloaded by crane and can only fire once every two turns. It can't gain acquisition but on the other hand if it does hit then Graves Registration will be burying you in an envelope.

At start

I divided my troops into two taskforces. One infantry heavy, the other tank heavy. I love the term "I divided my troops into two taskforces" by the way. It makes me sound cool and professional as if I knew what I was doing. The infantry would charge across open ground towards a heavily defended building. And just like that the myth is shattered. Yep for some reason I thought I would send the bulk of my infantry, supported by a single unmodified Sherman across the open hill mass in the north while my three remaining tanks plus a smaller but elite infantry force led by my 10-2 would tackle the other hill in the south which was occupied by what I was sure was a Sturmmörser (correct).

End of US turn 1

I suppose turn one could have been worse. My troops plodded bravely across the bare hilltop and were swept away by German fire. The supporting Sherman met a panzerschreck round travelling in the opposite direction and thus provided a little smoke cover for the survivors once the officers persuade them to get out of those woods and stop weeping like a girl. In the centre a pair of squads moved forward. The sturmmörser on the hill fired and one squad just vapourised. The term red mist has never been more appropriate. Things went a little better in the south where my tanks and supporting infantry made it to the hill without having slaughter rained down upon them. 

In the north turn two continued as turn one had begun. American troops charging across open hilltop to be met by rifle and hmg fire. American troops then charged back across the hilltop to hide in the woods they had just left. But a few of them managed to duck into a dip between the hills where they were safe at the price of total impotence. In the south though things were going better. My tanks roared up onto the hill, dispatching one of his halftracks while my remaining infantry pushed up towards his squads hoping to make them think of things other than panzerfausts. Just one tiny problem. Well, not tiny. Just one huge, over armoured, massively armed problem. His sturmmörser sat on the hill flaunting its frontal armour and daring me to go any further.

Well I'm up on the southern hill. About events in the north it is better to keep silent

 It had taken two turns of blood but I was on the southern hill and things started to turn. My Sherman dropped a smoke round onto the hmg team that had been slaughtering my troops up north while my southern infantry rousted out the remnants of his hill defenders. Then, oh glory of glories, in his turn Dave attempted to manoeuvre his Sturmmörser to better face the Shermans menacing its existence. In doing so it presented its side armour to a bazooka toting half squad and I managed to blow the huge beast up at long range. Up in the north with the defenders choking on smoke I actually managed to get some troops across that bare hill top to menace the N1 building. Things in my, somewhat biased, opinion were looking up.

That was a swift turn around

We can pretty much leave the north section of the battlefield now. I pressed slowly forward but Dave had stacked the building with troops and it was soon obvious that my surviving troops in the north weren't going to be able to winkle them out before I ran out of time. If I wanted multihex buildings I would have to gain them elsewhere.

There was only one problem with "elsewhere". I had precious little infantry conveniently placed. My 10-2 who had spent most of the battle hiding in the woods now urged his charges forward but until then it was basically my tanks that would have to carry the load. So what did I do with my tanks? Sheer idiocy, that's what I did. Still harbouring faint hopes that building N1 would fall to my troops I sent a pair of tanks over to assist. My best tank with my armour leader promptly broke its MA. All right that wasn't really my fault but what happened next was. I moved my other Sherman (he of smoke round fame) up to the wall behind which cringed what was left of Nazi Germany's firepower. I can't even begin to explain my thinking at this point. Essentially I parked next to a Sturmmõrser and across the wall from a pack of troops with panzerfausts coming out of their ears. I did manage to kill his other halftrack but it was still a boneheaded thing to do. Meanwhile my remaining tank in the south moved out into the street where it could take the first of the multihex buildings I planned to take under fire.

I fail to understand my own thought processes sometimes

 Bizarrely my suicide Sherman lasted a turn or so as panzerfausts bounced off the wall it was hiding behind. Unfortunately my tank with the broken gun proved less faust resistant and exploded in a ball of flame. But down in the south things were finally happening. My remaining tank had battered his troops in a multistory building behind the hill. I eased some troops forward including (finally) some from the north and gained a toehold while my 10-2 guided the world's most underused kill stack towards a pair of multihex buildings in the rear. I was running out of time and would need to get a little creative.  

One multihex building is mine, more or less

In his turn Dave's remaining Sturmmörser heaved its bulk to somewhere a little more convenient and I eyed it warily. We had started the game with four AFV each. Now we only had one left apiece but I had a nasty suspicion that the Sturmmörser would be the death of me. I kept up the battle in the north but just for the look of it really. I managed to capture the multihex building I had unofficially considered mine for the last turn or so and with only two turns to go cast my eyes to the rest.

It was down to my "kill" stack. I detached a squad and sent it racing for an unoccuped building. Then with two squads and a 10-2 leader I turned my attention to the stone building in front of me. Dave had a concealed lmg squad and leader upstairs in the rear, as far from my attacking troops as I could get. I got my forces into the building. Just one turn to go. I needed to completely remove Dave's troops from the building in order to win. In his last turn Dave made his move. His Sturmmörser rumbled around and parked opposite the the target building, the cavernous muzzle of its mortar pointing directly at the building. The challenge had been thrown down, what could I do?

Death by Sturmmörser awaits

 

Taking my courage in my hands I rolled my remaining Sherman past his defenders who declined to open fire and parked beside his Sturmmörser. I tried an APCR round and failed. I tried a normal AP round and still failed to gain a hit despite the fact that there are continents smaller than the Sturmmörser. So what to do? Ideally I would send one squad upstairs and slide the other in directly below Dave's defenders to block rout paths but that damn Sturmmörser was sitting there waiting to deliver approximately a quarter of a ton of death to anyone who moved next to it. I lost my nerve. I sent both squads upstairs. Whereupon Dave promptly broke his squad and routed it downstairs to maintain a presence in the building and claim the win. I howled, raved and cursed Dave for unsportsmanlike behaviour before finally admitting that I would have done exactly the same thing. At least I would have if I'd thought about it. Without firing a shot Dave's Sturmmörser had won him the battle.

This scenario was actually an immense amount of fun with swings of fortune throughout. I came within a gnats whisker of victory but Dave held his nerve calmly waiting until I made my fatal mistake and then slipping away for the win. Next time, Eritreans versus Ethiopians in caves. What could possibly go wrong?

"Well we got one of them," muttered O'Hare staring down from the building to a warehouse sized lump of armoured vehicle below him. At the edge of his vision he saw the sergeant, a hose in his hand, spraying the scenery. 

"What the hell are you doing man?" demanded O'Hare.

"Burial detail," replied the sergeant.