The keen eyed amongst my readers may have noticed a yawning gap (or possibly a gaping yawn) in my blog entries so far this year. After all January 26 has come and gone and yet there has been no account of my annual trip to our nation's capital to attend CanCon ASL tournament. Sadly this omission is not accidental. However after a certain amount of internal soul searching (and because my therapist claimed it might bring me "closure") I present the following brief record of pathetic ineptitude masquerading as a long weekends enjoyment.
I traveled down to Canberra in the company of two people who (after intensive negotiations with their lawyers) I am provisionally permitted to title "friends". They were a little surprised to see me when I turned up with my bag and a hopeful expression but after only a few hours of tearful pleading they allowed me to accompany them. It has to be admitted the weekend started well. Good (if slightly startled) company on the journey, a brief break in Goulburn to watch an alpaca walking the streets (prostitution gets a little weird outside the major cities) and the sight of Lake George with water in it for the second year in a row. Once in Canberra we attempted to dispel the idea that we were uncultured barbarians by wandering along to the National Museum and taking in their Pompeii exhibit. There were artifacts, audio-visual experiences (films) wall frescoes and most affectingly plaster casts of some of the victims caught at the moment of their demise. We certainly came out with a better understanding of why its a bad idea to build a city right next to a volcano.
The next day we sallied forth to do cardboard battle among the great unwashed or at the very least the great undeodorised. The organisers had attempted to compensate for this by setting up vast fans within the halls which made the experience rather like trying to play a game in a wind tunnel. You essentially had to dress for two different climates.
The account of my games will be mercifully brief (merciful for me I mean). My opponents I will simply designate by the term Victorious Opponent (VO) 1-5. This saves the effort of remembering their names and hopefully depersonalises the defeat for me a little.
1. Marauders No More
I played VO1 taking the Americans against the Japanese in Burma. I commanded the disease riddled remnants of Merrill's Marauders trying to hold onto a recently captured airfield against Japanese counter attacks. My defence was hampered by the fact that Merrill himself had a heart attack partway through the battle which didn't do much for my leadership. VO1 skillfully banzaied me out of my positions, driving me back to the runway. Finally a key defensive position went down leaving all the victory locations open to VO1's rampant Japanese.
2. The Vital Hours
The second scenario had me commanding Sepp Krafft's SS trainees attempting to prevent the British from taking Arnhem. This one had its moments. VO2 pushed forward against my troops in the village but his attempts to break through on the German left resulted in the British paras being bloodied and losing their best leader. For a moment I dared to hope but VO2 efficiently reoriented his attack to my right and poured through the village towards the exit while I was still peering myopically at the left. The fact that he burned one of my squads alive with a PIAT hit on a building didn't help much.
3. Some Spanish/Soviet thing
No that's not the name of the scenario. I lost this one when I selected the Soviets as my side. We set up pretty much on top of each other with a fire threatening to burn down the victory locations. By the end of VO3's first turn the Soviets had been pounded so badly that victory was a delusional fever dream (something I am quite familiar with). I stumbled on for a couple of turns and did succeed in hurting the Spanish in German uniforms but nothing like enough to compensate for that first turn hammering. This was the game I liked the least as it seemed like little more than a bloodbath (and potential barbeque) for the Soviets.
4. Wintergewitter
Ah, Wintergewitter that reliable staple of ASL tourneys. A small amount of German infantry backed up by a decent amount of armour attempt to wrest a village from the Soviets enroute to rescuing their encircled comrades in Stalingrad. I had the Germans in this one and managed to lose it in the first turn which is actually quite an achievement. I parked a halftrack containing my 9-2 officer, squad and mmg in line of sight of what turned out to be his antitank rifle. He killed them all. Also in the same turn a sniper wounded my other officer and recalled another halftrack. All this before I had fired a shot. My opponent VO4 generously offered to restart the game so it wouldn't be quite so much of a pathetic travesty but I nobly refused. Inevitable defeat seemed to clear my mind and I actually played my best game of the tournament from that point. I beat up his infantry, captured half the village and killed a T-34 before succumbing to the facts on the ground. It's also the game I enjoyed the most of the weekend.
5. Some scenario or other
I remember nothing about this except I lost it.
Somewhat downcast I sat contemplating my own mortality until Dave Wilson, my regular Monday night opponent pointed out that we don't come here to win. We come here to catch up with like minded fellows and have a good time. And this is in fact true even if I had to tell myself that several times during the course of the weekend. It was a good weekend with games, drinks and hommie being bonned all over the place. Many thanks to Andy Rogers who did his usual sterling job of organising the tournament and herding a collection of middle aged cats into and out of dinner venues.
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