Freedom! Yes the population of Melbourne have finally been released from their durance vile. Imagine having to stay in your own homes and associate with your spouse/children/parents? Frankly I'm amazed they haven't all murdered each other. Of course this freedom is of a strictly limited nature. The population of Melbourne have been told they're free to leave. Unfortunately nobody else (including rural Victoria) is particularly keen to let them enter. Essentially the people of Melbourne can journey to the city limits and stare longingly at the world beyond while the inhabitants of the world beyond glare at them menacingly and stock up on firearms.
Before we go any further with this blog entry I'd like to address the elephant in the room.
"Hi Jumbo!"
Sorry about that, I've started an ivory export business out of my apartment.
Back to the disease stalking our land. It has become apparent to me that I have perhaps given a little too much attention to Victoria and Melbourne in particular in recent entries. Part of this is due simply to the fact that if a car crashes right in front of you you're going to devote a lot of attention to it. Of course another part of it is simple laziness. With Victoria essentially holding Reaperfest 2020 in Melbourne I didn't need to bother coming up with any material myself.
Now that Melbourne has the outbreak under control (either that or COVID was simply finished) I thought it was only fair to reach out to those of my correspondents who haven't spent the last three months under house arrest. Unfortunately it proved a little more difficult than I expected. The last time I attempted to contact my Tasmanian correspondent I got an automated message that basically said "sod off disease bag". This isn't actually an uncommon response when I try and contact her but there seemed to be a little extra edge in the recording this time.
I was able to contact my New Zealand correspondent unfortunately he didn't have any COVID related news for me. In fact, being based in New Zealand, he didn't have any news of any sort for me. Not much happens in New Zealand and most of what does happen is of limited interest to those of us who live in the real world. To give you an example, they recently had an election in New Zealand but compared with the shambling democracy train wreck currently being conducted in the United States the impact on the outside world is likely to be minimal. To be fair when compared with the recent Queensland state election the impact of the NZ election on the outside world is likely to be minimal.
Which left me with no one else to contact except my tech support. I've been avoiding them recently due to the fact that its difficult to speak over gunfire and tear gas was starting to seep into my apartment. With no other options except creativity I reluctantly put in a call. Mercifully all was quiet in Belarus. I'm tempted to use the term "quiet as the grave" if I weren't afraid of being literal.
Once we'd got past their usual surprise at the fact that I was still alive (apparently their flesh eating bacteria experiments aren't going as well as they'd hoped) I asked them how things were going in Belarus.
"What have you heard?" they demanded suspiciously.
"Absolutely nothing," I assured them with well simulated sincerity.
"In that case everything's going well."
Apparently Belarus has grabbed COVID-19 by the neck and beaten it into submission. Oh wait, that's pro democracy protestors but they also gave COVID a quick kneecapping on the way through. COVID-19 in Belarus is treated with tractors, ice hockey and vodka so pretty much the same way Belarusians treat everything. It seems to be succeeding, COVID-19 deaths in Belarus are very low although there has been a thoroughly coincidental rise in the number of deaths from arteriosclerosis at the same time.
With COVID under control the future is looking bright for Belarus if only because of the new nuclear power station they're slapping together with Russian technology and infected workers. If the accident rate during construction is anything to go by my tech support are going to be very busy for the next seven hundred million years.
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