Plague Update #2 - Won't Somebody Please Think of the Seagulls

Well that escalated rapidly.  COVID-19 is officially something to be taken seriously.  Businesses are being shuttered all over the place although "essential services" like bottle shops remain open.  With the exception (so far) of my home state every other political subdivision of my nation has closed its borders; in extreme cases local councils are digging trenches along their boundary lines.  I tried to contact my Tasmanian correspondent for her opinion but she refuses to accept calls from "illegal aliens". 

Showing the level of decision and efficiency that has made Australia what it is today the federal government refused to close schools but also told parents they needn't bother sending their kids to them.  So business as usual really.  Also while we were slamming border gates shut all over the country we were simultaneously herding the disease ridden off cruise ships and forcing them to mingle with the local community with the results you might expect.  I'm pretty sure our government is trying, I'm just not sure what it is trying to do.

Despite the somewhat mixed messages issued by the above I for one knew the situation was serious when our federal Services Minister grudgingly conceded that perhaps not everyone currently applying for government assistance was a worthless, good for nothing parasite.  He didn't do it much more graciously than that but the fact that he forced the words past his lips at all is indicative.  There are also fears about the spread of COVID-19 in prisons although whether that means we should let everybody go or lock them all up indefinitely is currently a matter of debate.

Across the Tasman my New Zealand correspondent informs me that his nation went from "everything's under control" to "pick which one of your children is likely to provide the most in the way of emergency rations" in less than twenty four hours.  The New Zealand navy has deployed its ship.  It is currently being rowed vigorously around the island nation guarding against viral incursions.  Meanwhile the entire population has been told to stay indoors unless they have a really good reason for going outside.  My correspondent told me all this while cringing in a stairwell as the mother of his child stalked him with a kitchen knife and a jar of meat tenderizer.

Back in my homeland there is good news on the employment front.  Apparently our unemployment service is going to have to hire thousands more staff to help them deal with all of the people who have been put out of work.  Once the crisis abates all of these people will be fired and there won't be anyone left to process their unemployment claims.

What really brought home the enormity of the situation to me was the seagulls.  Circular Quay is normally awash with these avian gangsters assaulting, threatening and occasionally simply persuading people to give them food.  With the crowds in the city gradually abating (and the people from the cruise ships getting whisked to hospital) these seagulls are now wandering around in a state of bewilderment.  They're also looking distinctly slimmer.  If COVID-19 goes on for much longer it will achieve something humans have never managed which is to get rid of seagulls.  I for one will miss them.

At some point, and that point is rapidly approaching, I'm going to have to source toilet paper.  Food is less of an issue as I'm getting it home delivered and by home delivered I mean food is being thrown at my door by terror stricken delivery drivers who are uncomfortably aware that their job description involves them coming into contact with the people most likely to be sick.  And me.  This delivery method works fine for pasta but I've learned not to order soup.  In the long term I'm setting traps inside my apartment and confidently expect to have six months supply of pigeon meat before long.