Kittens! The very word arouses an involuntary "aww" in the mind if not on the lips of every human being with the slightest pretence to kindness and decent feelings. Kittens display that combination of playful vulnerability that humans find so adorable in animals and so exploitable in other people.
IT'S ALL A LIE!!! Kittens are cute and adorable simply so they can survive the dangerous, early part of their life before they grow up into cats and start treating us with disdain. Cats are proof that even the dominant lifeform on the planet can wind up in an abusive relationship if it tries hard enough.
Kittens are a vital component in the cycle of emotional abuse inflicted on us by their adult kin. Kittens bat at strings, chase dingly balls and pounce adorably on us when we're not looking. And the eyes; dear god those huge, gorgeous, helpless eyes. We fall into those eyes nearly drowning in cuteness and when we drag ourselves to the surface we find we don't have a kitten any more, we have a cat. But its too late now, the spell of the eyes lingers despite the fact that the cat ignores us, stays out all night, eats our food and doles out tiny shreds of affection strictly as and when it pleases. We scamper to please them, desperate for the sound of a purr or the removal of claws from our face that might indicate the cat has some feelings for us other than slightly amused contempt.
Dogs have been known to stand by their dead master keeping vigil over the body. A cat might do the same but only while there's still something edible on the corpse. Dogs love to please us while cats love us to please. Which brings me to the inescapable conclusion that cats are considerably smarter than dogs, or humans for that matter.
Our relationship with cats started out in much the same way as our relationship with dogs. Food and shelter in return for service. The difference is that while we trained dogs to do what we wanted cats simply did what they wanted while we provided a venue. Which is not to say that the service cats provided wasn't valuable. Once we started storing large amounts of foodstuffs in central, rat accessible locations the service of cats was very useful indeed. Basically we provided cats with shelter and a food supply and in return they sheltered and ate. Whenever we might have paused to re-evaluate this relationship the cats simply produced some more kittens and our brains dribbled out our ears in an ocean of cuteness.
The human relationship with cats is set now and I can't believe it will ever change. Far (I hope) into the future when the human race finally reaches its end the final sound attributable to our civilisation will be a gentle "munch, munch, munch" as a cat chews on the last human's face.
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