Look Out! He's Got an Ibis!

I have a slight sense of achievement at the moment.  Not only have I managed to cram enough bulbs into the recalcitrant light fitting in my lounge room to dispel the impression that I'm living in the middle ages but I have successfully sourced vacuum cleaner bags.  I can't remember the last time I felt this functional.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I hugged myself with glee when the lights actually turned on and provided light.  Well maybe just a little ashamed but there are advantages to being easily amused.  When my latest batch of books arrived from Amazon I actually pulled my shirt off and did a lap of honour.  It certainly frightened the other people in the post office.

Outside the hermetically sealed bubble I live in the world is still going relentlessly to hell while simultaneously refusing to actually arrive.  Over in the United States Donald Trump has been sworn in as America's last president while in Britain Theresa May has laid out her plan for reorienting Britain's economy towards subsistence farming.  At least it should improve the employment statistics.  Meanwhile in Australia a man is being sought by police for strangling an ibis to death and then threatening onlookers with the corpse.

Of the three I think Theresa May's position is the most defensible.  One of the principal reasons (allegedly) for the success of the Brexit vote (or failure if you're in the Remain camp) was concern about immigration.  Nothing stops immigration faster than your country ceasing to be a place worth emigrating to.  Sudan doesn't have an immigration problem, neither does Somalia.  Soon Britain will be able to make the same proud boast.

Things are even better over in America where people are gearing up to protest about absolutely everything.  Its been a tough eight years for protesters.  They couldn't really protest against Obama too much for fear of looking racist.  Trump's presence in the White House is an absolute godsend for the professionally outraged.  I actually thought Michael Moore had died but no, he was just waiting until he could decently fulminate again.

Meanwhile in a press conference that reach Trumpian levels of bizarreness the Tsar of All the Russias, Vladimir Putin denied having a dirt file of Trump cavorting with Russian prostitutes (note to the poorly educated; in this context "cavorting" means "fucking").  Putin then went on to praise Russian prostitutes as the best in the world which indicates either a fair amount of pretty intense research or a desire to talk up a faltering part of the economy.

I have to admit I'm pretty sanguine about the possibility of Putin having a dirt file on Trump.  It would be somewhat reassuring to think that somebody can control Trump even if that somebody is Vladimir Putin.  At least it means we're unlikely to get into a war with Russia.  What we need to do now is persuade Trump to visit China, and get some girls and a video camera.  It could mean peace in our time.  Unfortunately somebody else will have to arrange that.  Like the rest of my countrymen I'm currently too busy hiding from ibis wielding maniacs to worry about the rest of the world at the moment.