Silly After Action Report - Big, Cumbersome Vulnerable. Pick any Three.

Oberstleutnant Heinrich von Kattelrussler stood impatiently in a field staring with deep suspicion at a large shape covered with a dust sheet.  Also present was a member of the Wehrmacht's Dubious Research and Irresponsible Field Testing Unit.  As the man approached von Kattelrussler happily moved his suspicious glare to encompass him.

"So oberstleutnant.  What do you think of your assignment?" asked the man cheerfully.

Von Kattelrussler shrugged, "The Poles have got bunkers, trenches, wire, mines, field pieces and enough heavy machine guns to open a shop.  It will be tough but I have the tools to do the job."

"Indeed you do," replied the other man with a giggle.  He was rubbing his hands with glee.  A horrible suspicion started to form in von Kattelrussler's mind.

"I have eighteen squads, brave and true.  Assault engineers, flame throwers, mortars, demo charges and artillery on speed dial.  The Poles won't know what hit them."

"And you have us," said his companion, delight radiating from his features.  "Behold, the Wehrmacht's latest secret weapon," he yanked on the dustsheet and before von Kattelrussler's horrified gaze something huge, cumbersome and ugly was reveal in all its (for want of a better word) glory.

"Secret weapon?  Its the size of a barn," said von Kattelrussler already looking around for an escape route.

"The Poles will never see this coming!"

"They'll see it coming in freaking Mongolia!"

The other man refused to be deflated, "That's an 88mm gun right there.  You might not realise it now but in two or three years this will be the world's most awesome tank killer."

"The Poles haven't got tanks in this scenario and what the hell have you stuck it on?  A mutated tractor?"

"Mobility is king," babbled the other.  "Imagine the terror the Poles will feel when they see this armoured beast rolling towards them."

"I hate to burst your bubble but a double coating of paint does not count as armour plating.  I don't care what the hell you do with that, or the other three I see you've left in the officer's carpark but they're not getting anywhere near my attack."

"Sorry son, its a Fuhrer Order.  These beauties are attached to your unit and will go in with your attack.  Tell us how they get on.  Oh and try not to get them all destroyed, the Fuhrer intends to use them in the victory parade."

"He'd do better to convert them into a low income housing estate."

We shall leave the despairing von Kattelrussler trying to figure out how to integrate four of the least stealthy vehicles in the world into his assault and move on to the after action report for BFP Scenario 113, Bunker Bash.  Here I command the noble Poles stoutly defending their homeland from the enemy and Ivan will command the long suffering Oberstleutnant von Kattelrussler in the attack.  As the Poles I have fourteen squads, three leaders, two 75mm guns, four (count them) heavy machine guns and a pair of mortars.  Additionally I have twelve trench counters, six pillboxes, six wire counters and twenty four factors of landmines.  To win Ivan needs to capture 31VPs worth of locations.  Stone pillboxes are worth 5VP, wooden ones are worth 4VP.  In addition each building on board DW6a is worth 2VP.

I did a set up and we commenced playing.  After a turn we stopped playing when it became obvious that I had made a total mess of the setup rules which rendered the scenario unplayable.  We started again after Ivan cheerfully promised to tattoo the set up requirements onto my face if I didn't read the damn scenario card.  Below is what I came up with.

Basically I have set up two fortified strongpoints linking trenches, pillboxes and buildings.  Mines and wire defend what are the most likely approaches while the two guns are sitting in bunkers covering the centre of the board.  My four hmgs are set up (not in pillboxes) to cover the flanks.  One is in a trench over on the far right while the other three are sitting back in trenches and buildings on the left.  The guns will defend the centre (nobody came that way anyway) while the hmgs defend the flanks.  A few squads are set up in the forest forward simply so Ivan can't simply walk down half the board.  One of my mortars is hidden in a trench in the rear while the other is in what turned out to be a foolishly exposed position at the front.

Ivan set up his assault engineers on the right along with a full complement of demo charges and flamethrowers, officers to egg them on and a radio promising (but never delivering) artillery support.  His remaining force (fourteen squads) were weighted to the left, he would bring all four of his 88mm halftracks on there as well.  Accurately deducing that my guns were set up to cover the centre he put pretty much nothing there.

The first turn or two didn't go so well for me.  Over on the right Ivan's assault engineers pushed forward without much opposition while on the left there was more opposition but little of it was effective.  Still the mere presence of my troops slowed him down a little.  One of his halftracks turned up and tried to look scary but managed to break its MA.  The repair die roll was a six and suddenly Ivan was down to three, hope started to kindle in my breast.  Here's the thing with the halftracks, they're mobile and that 88 is terrifying but they're so big you can hardly help hitting them and the armour is pretty lousy, well within the capability of an hmg to deal with.

Over on the right Ivan moved forward against minimal opposition and his radio operator woke up his supporting mortars and told them to get ready.  On the left three halftracks replaced the one now slinking for the exit and positioned themselves to unleash a storm of metal on my hapless troops.  In the centre he calmly and methodically disposed of my speedbump troops and edged closer to the rear defensive position.  All looked good for a major push in the next few turns.  His assault engineers were separated from my right hand troops by a wire and mine infested forest but he had firepower and artillery.  On the left he had trickled a squad or two down the board edge feeling for my flank.  Then it all went to hell!

Ivan pushing forward

One of my hmgs stunned a halftrack, in the next firephase doubled stunned it and suddenly another of the wunderwaffe was heading rearwards.  Over on the right the artillery turned out to be a damp squib as my sniper simply shot dead anyone who tried to so much as touch the radio.  After losing an 8-0 and a 7-0 Ivan decided he had better things to do with his officers.  Such as rally the shattered wreckage of his assault engineers.  True they had taken a chance with the artillery gone but as they pushed forward my right hand hmg went on a demented rate tear and killed two squads of assault engineers and broke another.  In the centre things didn't go terribly well for me and Ivan pushed forward capturing a squad and officer of mine on the way.  Over on the left my hmg teams once again earned their pay hitting a third halftrack and gaining a snakes on the to kill roll sending the thing up in a ball of flames.

Suddenly Ivan was reduced to one halftrack (losing all four was an automatic loss).  When the survivor broke its main armament Ivan took the hint and hid the thing in the rear without attempting to repair it.  Over on the right his few remaining troops wandered into a minefield and generated a hero but my hmg team cheerfully killed them both.

At this point Ivan might have been forgiven for giving up (I probably would have) but he was made of sterner stuff.  My forward mortar crew had been driven berserk and had charged towards his mortar team only to die horribly.  In return a pair of his own squads had similarly gone berserk and attempted to make up for the assault engineers failure by charging towards my right hand gun position.  One squad died on the way and the other was killed in close combat but it caused some anxious moments and gave the people on that side of the board something to do apart from shoot at his mortar team which was causing me some troubles with airbursts in the woods.

His berserkers close in on the right.  On the left his flankers move forward under the guiding light of a merrily burning halftrack.

Meanwhile on the left without any halftracks to shoot at my hmg crews started to mince his flankers.  My rear mortar position got into the action as well, I'm not sure if they actually hurt anything but they certainly added to the general air of tension on the German side of the lines.  It couldn't last of course.  Ivan had taken horrible casualties but he had finally got his remaining troops into position to take some decent shots at my left hand defenders.  When he did so my guys proved no more capable of standing up to morale checks than his.  The right hand position was safe, literally everything Ivan had thrown at it was dead or broken beyond repair but up on the left it was a different story.  My guys could dish it out but they couldn't take it.  All three hmg positions broke under German fire and suddenly all that remained of the defenses was a gun and a halfsquad with a mortar.  All Ivan had to do was rally enough of his own troops to get forward.  I had gone from quietly confident to hysterically nervous.  If Ivan had been given a vote he would probably have preferred the former.

At the moment its a race to see who dies first

  From the wreckage of his units Ivan patched together a formidable force.  First a squad (skilfully evading the gun's CA) charged for my defensive position.  All I had was a half squad with a mortar, get past that and I was done.  Dumping the hardware my halfsquad reached for their rifles and sent Ivan's squad back in shattered rout.  Residual did the same for a second squad and when a third wound up right next to the halfsquad they covered themselves with glory by rolling snakes on a 2-2 final fire shot.  Even with cowering a 0 on the 1FP column means death.  This halfsquad saved my bacon.  It wasn't the end of the game, Ivan pulled together the rest of his forces and got past the halfsquad next turn and captured the pillbox with the gun but by this stage time was running out.  With the extermination of pretty much everyone on the right flank I moved my one surviving hmg team back to where it could cover my now vulnerable pillboxes on the left.  It did just enough, pinning one of his squads on the last turn to stop it taking occupancy of an abandoned pillbox.  Ivan managed to capture two pillboxes and a handful of buildings simultaneously killing the various broken units of mine lurking in the rear but this got him nowhere near his victory total.  At the end of the game I had one and a half squads left plus a gun crew (with a broken gun courtesy of intensive fire on his mortar crew) from my original OB.  Ivan had about three squads left unbroken from his original eighteen.  The bloodbath was virtually complete.

Endgame: Who dies first?  Pretty much everyone

Admittedly I was lucky, I rolled some good numbers when I needed them and made Ivan's job incredibly hard.  On the other hand so did he as witness the dreadful shortage of living Poles at the end of the game.  In my opinion Ivan underestimated the ability of my hmgs to deal with his halftracks.  Yes the kill number is low but with three ROF3 weapons firing on them the numbers are going to turn up eventually.  I fired my three left hand hmgs at his halftracks to the exclusion of all other targets until I had got rid of them (well I got rid of two, luck removed a third) that plus the failure of his artillery forced Ivan to launch an all infantry attack with little time remaining.  To his credit it almost worked.  Thanks to Ivan for the game which we both agreed was pretty awesome and one of the best we've had from the Poland in Flames pack.