Give Until It Hurts Someone Else

What are the benefits of donating to charity?  Is there a particular reason why, when approached by some complete stranger in the street, we should part with some of our income?  Many people deride charitable donations claiming it fosters dependence and generally helps people who should stop whining about starvation and investigate the benefits of cannibalism but I feel that such an attitude is thoughtless and inappropriate.

Take the people who approach you in the street, artificial smile plastered across their face as they do their best to be nice to people they really can't stand.  This actually helps them gain useful life skills, that smile and cultivated insincerity will be of enormous benefit to them when they try to get a real job.  Think of these poor people as they approach you, their plastic laminated ID and slogan bedecked tshirt adorning their bodies like the tribal markings of old.  What would they be doing if they weren't collecting for charity?  Probably taking drugs or representing the Greens in parliament.  Do you really want to carry that sort of responsibility?  Speaking of those tshirts, what happens if everybody stops giving to charity?  The tshirts will become redundant and in a stroke you will have thrown thousands of Bangladeshi children out of work.  Now they're going to need charity.

While we're on the subject of jobs let's not forget the thousands of people in this country who are quasi gainfully employed funnelling charity money, either voluntary or government provided, from one place to another.  Cancel charity and those people will be out of jobs, what's more since we just made the jobs network redundant they're not going to get another one anytime soon.  And since we just cancelled all the charities there will be noone to help them.  They'll form gangs and start preying on those of us who still have money.

At this point I can hear you crying "Neil, Neil, I don't give a crap about these unemployable deadbeats, tell me what's in it for me!"  I'm glad you asked.  The benefits of giving to charity are many and various.  Firstly of course there is tax deductibility.  It's an oldie but a goodie.  There is nothing like getting a reputation for having a social conscience while the taxpayer (or to be more accurate, other taxpayers) picks up the bill.  Let's not forget that social conscience reputation either.  That can be very handy.  OK, so everybody knows that you only made the donation to distract attention from the ugly court hearing, ongoing police investigation or media expose proving your company's business model relies on strangled puppies.  It doesn't matter, they can't deny that you donated and every little bit of smokescreen helps.  If you're really clever you will start donating long before the subpoenas are issued or the police are informed.  That will make the investigators look like they're persecuting a stand up guy.

There are other benefits to consider as well.  Depending on your particular political and/or religious affiliations donating to the right charity can be a handy way of funnelling money to the terrorist organisation of your choice.  If you're really lucky it will be tax deductible at the same time.  Finally don't forget the impact that donating to charity can have on yourself.  It can make you feel good about yourself, reassure you that you're not a particularly bad person even if your job does involve pitchforking strangled puppies into the back of a truck.

There is also the slight possibility that if you donate money to charity some of it might actually go to helping someone in need.  Personally I doubt it but you shouldn't discount the possibility.