The Plot Sickens

Humans seem to love conspiracy theories. The notion that there is some shadowy cabal of individuals or interest groups secretly dominating world affairs has been popular ever since we knew enough about the world to assume it had affairs to dominate. The Americans have their Skull & Bones society, the Europeans have the Illuminati and there isn't a country in the world that doesn't have a few people who believe the world is secretly run by Jews. I'm sure even Israel has a few of those. One way you can tell Jews don't run the world is the fact that I'm pretty sure they would do a better job of it. The entire conspiracy theory fetish also overlooks the fact that there are individuals and interest groups manipulating world affairs pretty openly. Most of them hire lobbyists. Some of them just adjust America's credit rating.

Still conspiracy theories are incredibly popular, the more convoluted and unlikely the better. Books, movies, television and, of course, the internet are all home to conspiracy theories ranging from the merely silly to the outlandishly demented. For the proponents of such theories Occam was just a guy with a long, shaggy beard. So why do we love conspiracy theories so much? In my opinion there are four main reasons.

Firstly, humans are essentially romantic and the truth is usually dull. Secondly, most people are capable of a certain level of secretiveness and duplicity. As such it can be difficult to imagine that those in positions of great influence aren't secretly manipulating them for their own benefit. It sounds like the sort of thing we might do ourselves. Thirdly, it provides a handy scapegoat if you happen to have made a complete mess of your life. No; you're not a witless loser, a secret coalition of freemasons, business leaders, shadowy government departments and aliens from outer space have conspired to wreck your life. Thus believing in conspiracy theories helps people to feel better about themselves.

I suspect, though, that the main reason people love conspiracy theories is because we secretly hope they are true. Speaking personally I would sleep a lot sounder in my bed if I knew the world was under the control of some clandestine organisation that actually knew what it was doing. Sadly, evidence to the contrary surrounds us. Certainly governments and some private institutions attempt to cloak themselves in a veil of secrecy but that is largely a desperate attempt to conceal their shortcomings as opposed to any greater plan.

Most people don't actually work to a grand design. People tend to think in the short, or at best, medium term and why not? After all in the long term, we're dead. Even the cleverest of us tend not to think more than a few decades into the future and even then usually in highly specific terms. I'm not saying that plots and conspiracies don't exist, of course they do. Every power group on the planet is engaged in an ongoing and semi clandestine struggle to secure or further their position at the expense of their rivals. If you're in government this is called politics, if you're in business it is called business, if you're in organised crime it is still called business but with implied quotation marks. If you're an ordinary person in the street it is called displaying psychopathic tendencies. Some, indeed much, of this activity is kept secret. Some of it may even rate the definition "conspiracy" but the broad ranging, hugely ambitious plots beloved of conspiracy theorists are unlikely to be true simply because such deep running, well organised plots are unlikely to ever come to public attention. I would be more inclined to believe in conspiracy theories if there weren't any.

Truly the best argument against conspiracy theories is the state of the world today. Surely if our secret masters were that smart they would be doing a better job of running the place. Frankly I think it more likely that the world is ruled by a pack of stumbling, vaguely well intentioned morons who are pulled this way and that by various very blatant interest groups who are trying not so much to manipulate world behaviour as simply to add an extra zero to their bottom line.

And frankly that thought is far more frightening than any six conspiracy theories you care to name.