When Goats Are Currency Making Change Will Be Messy

Want to make some easy money? Go to the United States, hire a car and drive to Mexico. That's pretty much it although you may have to turn a blind eye to someone hiding half a million dollars in your spare tire. Try not to look suspicious as you go past the border guards.

I find it rather amusing that with a sophisticated international banking system at our disposal one of the best ways of getting money out of the United States is still to stuff it in the glove compartment of your car. Or, rather, someone elses car. That "someone elses car" bit is quite important because believe me you don't want anything connecting you to it if US law enforcement catches on. In that case, whoever is in the car is going to gaol.

Fortunately for overworked law enforcement officials on both sides of the border the imminent collapse of the global financial system (yes, that's still going on) will soon make their job a lot easier. Once we're reduced to the barter system its going to be much harder to smuggle money across the border. You can stuff a fistful of cash down your trousers, try doing that with a herd of goats. Things won't be completely easy for the police of course. There will still be counterfeiting to deal with. Imagine the distress of an honest citizen who trades his produce for what he thinks is a goat only to get it home and discover its a sheep on stilts. I can also imagine that withdrawing funds from an ATM machine would be a lot messier than it is now. However stealing ATM machines will be much less popular when an ATM is basically just a huge bin of goat parts.

Once we have fallen back on goats as a universal currency the world will change in ways we probably wont expect. Goat herders of course will suddenly be very rich. People who kept goats as pets will turn out not to be complete idiots and Satanists will be reduced to sacrificing gerbils. This may well be the biggest problem with our new goat focused world order. I can't imagine that the Prince of Darkness is going to be very impressed with a sacrifice of gerbils. So in addition to having our currency eating our lawn and crapping on our floors we're going to be facing the wrath of Satan. I'm sure the wrath of God is pretty bad but I'm prepared to bet that the wrath of Satan will be even worse.

A grim and terrible time approaches us. There will be madness, bloodshed and violence as Lucifer tightens his grip on a desperate, goat obsessed world. All in all it will be like Friday night football only with more goats. Dark angels will descend upon us sowing terror in their wake. People will try to flee only to trip over a damned goat. For humanity it will be as though the population of the entire planet had been cast as extras in a Harry Potter movie. There will be fire, there will be blood and most of all there will be goats.

We need to find a way out of this. The human race must rise up and deliver itself from this goatpocalypse and stride towards a finer and happier future. I would start working on that myself but I have a truckload of goats to drive across the Mexican border.