Poker, Labyrinth and Rogue Trees Going Haywire

On Friday night a group of males proudly asserting their social dominance (and having gained their wive's permission) gathered to play poker and indulge in the sort of light hearted personal commentary which becomes cyberbullying if you post it on facebook. Despite the fact that our collective souls were being lacerated by the cruel jibes passing back and forth we somehow managed to enjoy ourselves.

Of course some of us managed to enjoy themselves more than others.  Alex, for instance, who walked away with most of our money enjoyed himself immensely.  I, whose sole role was to make a modest contribution to Alex's wallet,might have enjoyed it slightly less.  Still any opportunity to abuse Tony is a gift from the gods to be savoured in full.  I started off by accusing him of being a sociopath but after full discussion and a close examination of the relevant definitions we agreed that he's actually a psychopath.  Which didn't stop me from cadging a lift home.

The next day there was more male centric activity at Paddington Leagues Club.  Honestly I'm never going to get a girlfriend unless I find at least one pastime that women might,at least theoretically, be interested in.  One can always hope that the Paddington Bears War Gaming Club will one day find its ranks swelled with battle hungry females (oh, please) but until that time I have to play the likes of David Longworth.

Eschewing the ASL for one month we instead turned our attention to Labyrinth, a card driven game depicting the war on terror.  This must make it the first time the game has come out before the war has actually ended.  On the other hand you probably wouldn't want to wait.  David took control of the United States, reeling after 9/11 but ferociously determined on vengeance (or peace or something).  I controlled the somewhat cockahoop jihadists eagerly setting the world ablaze in the hopes of achieving a caliphate (or at least giving the world smoke inhalation in an attempt to make life in Afghanistan even more wretched, ghastly and unbearable than it already was).

David's Americans started off with a preference for hard power which he totally ignored as he turned his attention to nation building, aid dispensing and generally making the world a better place to live.  I must admit I started to doubt the realism of the game when he managed to make Sudan into a well governed beacon of democracy and followed that up by achieving the same result in Yemen.  Yemen for gods sake!  It would take technology from friendly aliens to get Yemen into the tenth century much less the 21st.  Meanwhile I was eagerly recruiting terrorist cells in Pakistan.  If I could turn Pakistan into an Islamic State then its nuclear arsenal would be mine.  I tried four times and failed each time and then David, remembering that he was supposed to be a psychotic hardarse dumped troops in Pakistan and invaded Afghanistan (my home base) for good measure.

The soldiers of the prophet were harried and desperate but a successful Islamic uprising in Central Asia gave us a new base and I started to rebuild my tattered hopes.  Placing cells in such bastions of good governance as Syria and Iraq (which David sensibly refused to invade) I started planning further jihads.  David meanwhile in keeping with his preferred approach of hearts and minds had switched to a soft power approach and had persuaded most of Europe to join him (as if the Europeans ever needed to be persuaded not to fight).  Sadly for him an election then delivered a group of ultra hard case loonies to the white house who believed in military intervention everywhere up to and including Vermont.  Suddenly the US was friendless in the world and I could take advantage of the devastating loss of prestige.  The jihad in Iraq failed sadly and new terror cells in Libya and Indonesia couldn't compensate.  Ultimately  David just scraped a win but not a particularly convincing one.

The evening gave me an opportunity to interact with actual females, which was good as I was starting to forget what they looked like.  My friend Kate and her twin brother Teddy were celebrating their birthdays with a clutch of friends (a term which can be stretched to include me) at Bodhi's Restaurant in the city.  I strolled through Hyde Park which is lovely in the evening in Summer.  The afternoon lingers, there is a calm, couples stroll through hand in hand or lounge beneath a tree.  Even the mentally shattered junkies thrashing about on the grass howling and gibbering are more entertaining than frightening.

Oh, about the trees.  I couldn't help noticing a warning sign next to one of the trees on my way in.  It suggested not visiting the park in times of high wind or after heavy rain due to the possibility of tree failure.  Reading between the lines the council has essentially put up signs saying "Beware of the Trees".  Apparently there is a real danger that if you hang around the trees long enough that one of them will lose its shit and beat you up.  The danger might not seem very great and it probably isn't but take a look at the size and heft of a tree.  You certainly don't want to be an unfortunate statistical anomaly in this instance.

Dinner was lovely by the way.