It's Carpet Day!!!

From Dashoguz in the north to Ashgabat in the south the word has gone out.  From the hot, dry semi arid regions to the hotter, dryer totally arid regions the whole of Turkmenistan is en fete.  Battalions of floor sweepers march in proud formations through the streets and in coffee shops across the nation the age old rivalry between Dyson and Miele takes on a new edge for today is Carpet Day in Turkmenistan.  Yes, today the people of Turkmenistan gather together to celebrate all things rug.

Carpet Day is the sort of thing that happens when you get a batshit crazy dictator with too much time on his hands.  In the case of Turkmenistan said dictator was one Saparmurat Niyazov who despite the best efforts of his yesmen, lickspittles and grovellers still had time in his diary to arrange things like this.  Oh yes and closing hospitals and libraries.

For the record a standard diary page for Niyazov would probably look something like this;

9.00am Breakfast meeting with cabinet

9.30am Purge cabinet

10.00am Accept bribes

10.15am  Ethnic cleansing

10.45am Torture prisoners

11.00am Purge replacement cabinet

11.30am Quality time with wife

11.45am Quality time with mistress

1.45pm Working lunch with Minister of Oppression

2.00pm  Shoot Minister of Oppression

2.15pm  Quality time with former Minister of Oppression's sixteen year old daughter

3.00pm  Accept Chairmanship of UN Human Rights Commission

4.00pm Accept bribes

5.00pm  Answer fan mail from Phillip Adams

5.30pm  Free time

6.00pm  Start conspiracy theory

7.00pm  Arrest those involved in conspiracy theory

8.00pm Diplomatic reception

10.00pm Bed

I'm assuming that Carpet Day came up somewhere between 5.30 and 6.00pm while he was sitting at his desk and twiddling his thumbs (or at least, twiddling somebodies thumbs).  Carpet making is a traditional Turkmenistan economic activity so I guess it makes a little (a very little) sense to promote and celebrate that.  It's either that or exploit the nation's natural gas reserves.  Frankly I think he was just finding things for himself to do.  After you've rewritten your country's national anthem to name check yourself there probably aren't many other ways to fill in the time.

Some of Niyazov's "reforms" didn't survive his death.  I'm pretty sure they renamed the months that he'd named after himself but on the other hand the capital of Turkmenistan is still littered with statues of him and every year Carpet Day is celebrated with much rejoicing.  Well ok, I don't actually know if its celebrated with much rejoicing or any rejoicing at all but its mere presence is a handy reminder to the population of Turkmenistan whenever they ever get sick of their current brutal and oppressive government that things could be worse.  And they don't have to dip too far back in their national history for proof.

Today is also Towel Day celebrating all things Douglas Adams.   Possibly we should just rename the whole thing Linen Day and celebrate every piece of cloth we have in the house.  Personally I'm getting sick of having to remember to buy presents on Dish Rag Day.