The Moment My Back is Turned

Apparently I can't leave the country for five minutes without everything falling apart.  I returned to find that we have somehow acquired a new prime minister despite the fact that we weren't finished chewing on the old one.  A raft of brilliant new initiatives has followed which everybody is politely pretending are the work of the new prime minister rather than the one nobody wants to speak about anymore.

Also my fish died!  Seriously, I leave my work colleagues with one simple task to perform during my absence and they botch it.  I hope they managed to do better with their actual jobs.  Yes, sadly little Bullard is no more.  A guppy who was quite happy to swim around his slightly murky bowl while I was present apparently turned his fins up the moment he realised I was absent.

Those with a retentive memory will recall that somewhat over years ago we purchased a couple of guppies to fill the gap left by the resignation of our manager one Edward Bullard.  We named one guppy Edward and the other Bullard (which gives you an indication of the level of imagination and creativity prevailing in the office at the time).  Edward was a plump, happy looking guppy whereas Bullard had a slight resemblance to Scar from the Lion King.  If there's an animated movie Jeremy Irons will totally be doing his voice.  One day not too long after we acquired them both Edward was found floating on the surface with Bullard swimming around doing his best not to look smug.  Which just goes to show that being happy and well fed isn't exactly a survival trait.

Still with Edward gone I was free to lavish all of my attention and affection on Bullard (you know, in between doing my job).  Bullard repaid this by being apparently indestructible.  The first time I cleaned the fishbowl Bullard somehow managed to leap out of the cup I had left him in and spent about ten minutes on the floor under a colleagues desk.  I picked him up and dropped him back in the bowl and soon he was swimming around again as if nothing had happened.

Bullard proved to possess remarkable longevity.  Two years is about the maximum lifespan of a guppy but Bullard beat that by at least six months always assuming that he was born the day before we got him.  An office is not a healthy environment for a fish (all that recycled air) but guppies are hardcore and apparently thrive as long as you don't put them in a bowl with a fitter, nastier guppy.  You also don't mix male and female unless you want to acquire a million more guppies.

Still Bullard is gone now and I can't really blame my colleagues (although I'm going to try very hard) as the writing must have been on the wall for several months.  Admittedly since the wall would have to have been in a fishbowl the writing had probably run and become illegible.  So farewell to Bullard; we commit our brother to the S-bend in the sure and certain hope that he won't turn up in our water supply.  In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti, Amen.

I would try and sell his fishbowl but considering the number of piscine deaths that have taken place in that thing it's probably haunted.