My Battle With Pineapples

I have recently taken delivery of approximately eighty-seven tonnes of pineapple.  OK, that might be a slight exaggeration, and by exaggeration I mean bare faced lie.  Although "bare faced lie" is what I call it I freely acknowledge that this definition is somewhat obsolete in our post modern world.  As I understand it I believe the term to use now is something along the lines of "I have a battle with truth". 

I have a battle with truth?  Nonsense, its hardly a battle when you crush your opponent with the very first salvo.  Eighty seven tonnes of pineapple baby, count them.  Battle with truth indeed.  I blame Gitta Sereny quite frankly.  It took a while to take off but she really coined the term.  Let's be very frank, I don't have a battle with truth.  Nobody has a battle with truth.  Belle Gibson that pseudo cancer surviving wellness food thingamy didn't have a battle with truth.  She was just full of shit.  Some people tell lies.  That's not a battle, truth isn't even acknowledged let alone engaged with, wrestled to the ground and finally slain in a R18+ deathmatch that results in bits of entrails hanging from the curtain rods.

Nobody has a battle with truth.  Having a battle with truth makes about as much sense as taking delivery of eighty seven tonnes of pineapple.  Which, spoiler alert, I haven't actually done.  I have bought a honking big tin of pineapple though.  Why?   Well partly because I like pineapple, but mainly because I have found it very difficult to acquire tins of pineapple lately so when I saw what appeared to be a forty four gallon drum with a picture of a pineapple on the side in my local convenience store I snapped it up.

It was the only tin of pineapple there (although to be fair there probably wouldn't have been room in the store for a second one) and I hadn't actually been able to source pineapple for a couple of months.  I actually did some research to find out what the hell had happened to my pineapple supply and found a rather unusual answer.  It would appear that in Queensland (that great sundrenched pineapple field of the Australian nation) farmers recently introduced the labedus tick, a small blood drinking parasite, in the hopes that it would kill off the rabbit plague Australia has been experiencing ever since we were idiotic enough to introduce rabbits in the nineteenth century.

Sadly as a result of the calicivirus (a previous rabbitocide attempt) altering their blood make up it turned out that rabbit blood was poisonous to the labedus tick so instead it started attacking the great throated woodbelle a formerly prolific native Australian bird species which also had an integral role in the fertilization of pineapples.  With woodbelles literally dropping out of the sky the, ahem, reproductive needs of pineapples went unfulfilled.  As a result Queensland is ankle deep in dead birds, live ticks and no pineapples.

Actually it was caused by a drought in pineapple producing areas.  Sorry, it would appear that my "battle with the truth" is ongoing.  Still as Belle Gibson could tell you there is almost no story that is so stupid that somebody wont be stupid enough to believe it.