Just When You Thought My Life Couldn't Get Any More Pathetic

I have become addicted to those stupid little free games one can download for the iphone.  It shames me to have to admit this, me who once sneered at the very thought of owning an iphone.  My life has become a series of pathetic interludes glaring myopically at the tiny screen trying to complete pointless tasks in order to gain meaningless rewards that simply lead on to more pointless tasks.  It occurs to me that my leisure time has become a metaphor for my job.

Presently my intellectual firepower is focused on getting a small, indeterminate creature to throw bubbles at other bubbles in the hopes of releasing trapped babies which then fall to the ground.  The babies don't even splatter on impact.  They just crawl disappointingly away.  In my defence I'm not throwing bubbles at other bubbles because I get any enjoyment out of it but rather because playing this game gives me credits in another game I'm playing which I'm rather more fond of.  So as you can see I haven't completely lost my bubbles, I mean marbles.

The only good thing I can say about the entire business is that I'm not alone in my degradation.  Pretty much all my colleagues at work are doing the same thing.  It's amazing we get any work done.  Note to my supervisor "we are getting work done".  Our last team lunch consisted of four people sitting around a table pawing frantically at their iphones.  As a consequence my already scanty social skills are taking a battering as my conversation now consists alternately of swearing, weeping and occasionally praising a small electronic device.  When I do speak to another human being it is usually to say something like "Can you send me an earth wisp" a phrase which can have absolutely no other application if I tried for a million years.

I feel embarrassed and more than a little ashamed by my weakness.  I try and angle my phone on the train so nobody else can see what I'm doing.  Hopefully they think I'm checking my emails or doing something else important and work related (hopefully my supervisor thinks so too) but I don't honestly think I'm fooling anyone.  The saddest part is when I actually achieve one of the silly goals.  Then I'm delighted and look around for someone to boast to but remember just in time what I'm about to boast about and slide shamefacedly back in my seat.

Well no more!  I promise to change!  Going forward I shall no longer be a slave to these wretched little games.  I shall delete them all from my iphone and never again let them soil the purity of its screen.  My time will be my own again and my achievements shall be legendary.  Starting tomorrow I swear.  For right now will someone please send me a goddamn earth wisp.