You Should Really Be Able to See This One Coming

How much would you have to be paid before you would transport a human head from one city to another?  It's one of the perennial questions of course, its hardly possible to gather round the water cooler or go for a quiet drink with mates without the topic coming up.  Then you get into questions of distance, condition, preservatives (or lack of preservatives, ick) and more of the same.  One common thread was that we all agreed that we would be prepared to charge less if the employer was a university or medical facility and somewhat more if your employer was some guy named Antonio that you met in a tattoo parlour.  Oddly however there was much less danger of us simply pocketing the money and tossing the head in the bin if Antonio was picking up the bills.  And for good reason, he's repeat business.

Of course transporting human heads isn't for everyone and even those of us who do it have our own standards.  I, for one, refuse to transport any human head still attached to a body.  After all, what do you call someone who ferries complete human bodies around?  That's right, a taxi driver.  If I wanted to be a taxi driver I would emigrate to a country where I didn't know the language or the road rules.  I also refuse to transport more than one head at a time.  Some of my colleagues simply pack the heads in until their backseat looks like a clip from a Futurama episode but I like to think my customers appreciate the personal touch.

Naturally one hears the stories; of someone on their way to drop off a head and stopping for an impromptu football match.  I think that these tales can be safely relegated to the status of urban myth (and there is no way I was offside).  OK, perhaps Halloween isn't the best time to get a head delivered on time and undamaged but apart from that I can assure you that we are sensible, professional people who rarely interrupt their delivery schedule to go bowling.

Professionalism is the name of the game.  Sure there were some cowboys in the early days and I wouldn't like to guarantee that every head consigned back then reached its destination but times have changed.  I can confidently assure you that my colleagues and I have a business for heads.

And yes I did write this entire blog entry simply so I could make that lame arsed joke at the end.  If anybody expected better, I invite them to reread the last two hundred and thirty nine odd entries on this blog and adjust their opinion accordingly.