Penguin Dead Ahead!

Icebergs wandered briefly across my awareness the other day. An odd thing for someone who doesn't live in Greenland to be thinking about I will agree but I had cause. A couple of days ago was the birthday of Captain Edward Smith who is famous for capping a highly successful career as an ocean going liner captain by running his ship, the Titanic, into a particularly solid piece of water.

Icebergs have a bit of a mixed reputation; on the one hand they are undeniably picturesque, particularly if they have a few penguins dotted about them but on the other hand they do have a lamentable tendency to roam the shipping lanes wreaking havoc. Since ninety percent of an iceberg is below the surface of the water it is perhaps best to think of them as u-boats with good airconditioning. Oh yes, and the occasional penguin.

Of course nowadays we have better methods of detecting icebergs rather than just putting seamen in a high spot and telling them to keep their eyes open. I rather suspect that all ships that sail in icy waters have penguin detectors fitted as standard equipment thus enabling the rapid identification of rogue icebergs. The reason for the tragedy of the Titanic (and believe me it was a tragedy, I've seen that movie) was because hailing, as it did, from the northern hemisphere this particular iceberg wasn't equipped with penguins that could have been identified and given early warning. I can almost hear Captain Smith now;
"Is the penguin detector clear?"
"Yes sir"
"Excellent, full steam ahead"
While in the background a horrified ornithologist tries to make himself heard.

Being of a fundamentally left wing nature I firmly believe that there is no problem that can't be fixed by increasing the power of government. Therefore I propose that we enact legislation that will make it mandatory for all icebergs, no matter what their hemisphere of origin, to carry penguins.

Finally our sealanes will be safe. Now if we could just get Somali pirates to do the same thing.