Facebook is the New Necromancy

A friend of mine was recently tagged in a photo on facebook. A common enough occurrence but one I found a little creepy as this friend has been dead for several years. Now that facebook can reach beyond the grave I think it is time it was officially designated as a religion or possibly some form of dark magic.

I rather like the idea of facebook as an unholy power that can be channelled by crazed adepts chanting the right liturgies to recreate what was and what can be. Of course the price will be high, you will have to dedicate yourself to the service of facebook. It's corrupting presence will flow through your soul warping your perceptions and altering your appearance. Your face will be pasty, your fingers flattened from continual keyboard use. No longer will you speak to others or see them through human eyes but for those prepared to make these sacrifices the gifts will be great.

In the temple of facebook where the floor is slicked with the blood of sacrifices and the air is cloudy with ozone and the tortured remnants of long lost souls you will find the answers and the power you seek. Without touching your enemies you can destroy them; bare their most closely held secrets to the cold light of day. The sweetness of corruption will be your siren song luring the helpless and the weak into the web which spans the world. Once they are there they are yours; forever. Not even death will release them from this grip. The whole of human experience is your prey to feed to on. Suck the marrow dry without moving from your chair. You hover godlike over the doings of humanity and laugh as they scurry in the dust at your feet.

Ah but as you revel in your power, think on this. Facebook gives little and takes much. Your great power is merely a shadow, a reflection of facebook. It is a pale imitation of the reality. Of all the wretched beings trapped within the web none is bound as securely as you. Separated from life, bound by your oaths and your desires you serve facebook as helplessly as any slave. Without it you would wither and die, it provides your sole nourishment your one tiny link to the greatness of the universe. But you see only what it lets you see and know only what it sees fit to tell you. Know this necromancer; though you sit on a throne on bones and the puppet strings run from your fingers to the people of the world yet you are enthralled. You must serve and every benefit you gain increases your debt. A debt that will never be repaid.

But what the hell, its better than MySpace.