"Freedom!" I announced to the collection of plush toys with which, for reasons beyond my comprehension, I have chosen to share my life. "I am now fully vaccinated. Coronavirus holds no terrors for me!"
"I'm amazed you still think we listen to you," said the puffin.
"Who's making all the noise?" demanded the plague doctor emerging from the spare room holding what looked suspiciously like a human kidney. "It's a human kidney," he explained.
Somewhat deflated and more than a little disturbed at the fact that the plague doctor seemed to be eyeing my midsection with more than usual interest I sighed and gave up.
"OK fine, its a big deal for me all right. It means that someday I might be able to get out this damned apartment."
"How are the blood clots?" asked the plague doctor.
"Manageable."
Yes the second shot of AstraZeneca vaccine is coursing through my bloodstream persuading my immune system to take its job a little more seriously. Not only that but some forty five percent of the state's population share this happy condition. Of course curmudgeons will point out that we're still a long way from the point when we can open things up and mingle together in public. As if to emphasise that point the number of infected daily rose to its highest level ever. It's starting to look like it might just be easier to let everyone catch COVID and let our natural immune system go to work. Of course that's hard on the immuno-compromised or the just immuno-lazy and it puts a bit of a strain on the hospital network. For those in the health sector currently under pressure the light at the end of the tunnel is that if COVID carries off a decent percentage of the chronically ill then going forward their work load might be more manageable.
By far the biggest trauma generated by this latest outbreak is the interminable press conferences. I normally elect politicians on the theory that if I give them my vote they'll go away and I won't hear from them for a few years. Now apparently we need an update report every day on how we're not dealing with COVID. However it would appear that my state's political leaders have heard my silent prayers. They're cancelling the daily press conferences. The health minister spent the entire of the second last such conference defending the cancellation. Now apparently when we want to be misled on COVID we're just going to have to rely on Facebook.
I do have a certain amount of sympathy for our politicians. Normally its a nice indoor job with no heavy lifting, no clear lines of responsibility and nobody actually expects you to achieve very much. Now the same people who elected these unemployable deadbeats are getting outraged that they can't handle a major health crisis. What do you want? Competence? Accountability? I'll bet you don't. A competent, accountable government would be able to interfere in your lives far more effectively than the shambling mess we're currently lumbered with.
The old Austro-Hungarian government was once described as "tyranny tempered by incompetence". Just pause for a moment and think of how many ways a genuinely competent government could ruin your life. Particularly if you haven't paid the right amount of tax for the last several years. You may well come to the conclusion that the occasional devastating plague is a small price to pay.
Fortunately our politicians have stepped up. Or rather they tried to step up, tripped over their own shoelaces and sprawled face first in the dirt. We have heard that our federal health system told Pfizer to call back later when they wanted urgent talks about supplying us with the vaccine that we are now literally begging for. The federal government is making bold announcements about how much better life will be when we hit 70% vaccination rates while the more remote states are raising militia forces to ensure that nobody crosses their borders until we crack the secret of immortality.
Normally that last point wouldn't bother me too much but I've been starved of travel for so long that a week long trip to Western Australia sounds like heaven. And that previous sentence encapsulates exactly how little the current plague stalking our world has affected me. It's principal impact has been a reduction in the amount of holiday travel I undertake. Oh woe is me! It would be nice to see my parents again before I completely forget what they look like but on the other hand when I do you can simply introduce any elderly couple to me and I won't be able to tell the difference.
The government of my state has formally surrendered to COVID and announced that they'll be unlocking the city once vaccination rates reach 70% even if the other 30% drop dead. If that happened the government would probably claim success in reaching 100% vaccination rates. I personally am looking forward to getting out and having a meal, a cup of coffee and possibly finding somewhere else to sleep. I really don't like the way my plague doctor is sharpening his scalpel while he looks at me.
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