It's a glorious day outside, the sun is shining, the sky is clear but I'm sitting indoors with all of my windows firmly closed. Why? Mynahs! These feathery bastards have become the bane of my existence. I'm spending an increasing amount of my time cleaning birdshit off my carpet. If I leave a door or window open more than a crack these avian intruders wander in and make themselves at home. "Making themselves at home" appears to involve crapping on every exposed surface. I have tolerated this indignity for far too long. Time to wheel out the big guns. I placed a call to my tech support.
"Guys, you have got to do something about these damned mynahs."
"Why? Their coal production is up twenty percent this month?"
"Is that seriously the best joke you can come up with?"
"Don't blame us," they retorted, "you write this blog, we're just supporting characters."
"Fine, can you help me with the mynahs? I mean, seriously, what do I pay you guys for?"
"Clandestine surveillance operations, concealing your browser history and occasional wet works. And while we're on the subject of payment we'd like to point out that your last Czech bounced."
"Did you drop him from high enough?"
"Nice to see that the standard of humour has returned to normal."
"I'm a little short of Czechs at the moment. Do you accept Slovaks?"
"Yes but you won't like the exchange rate."
"I'll put a couple in the post. Now about the mynahs, they're seriously starting to annoy me. They're small and they're irritating and there's crap everywhere."
"Funny, that's pretty much our description of you."
"Are you going to help me or not?"
"Relax, we've got just the thing. Once we're done you won't worry about mynahs any more."
"Sounds great."
"There might be a few side effects."
"Such as?"
"Occasional headaches,"
"OK."
"Bleeding from the ears, nose and eyeballs. Dizziness, epileptic fits, hallucinations, psychotic breaks, sexual disfunction, paranoia, gangrene and skin rashes."
"But it will get rid of the mynahs?"
"Well it will stop you worrying about them."
"When can you start?"
"Actually we started a week ago. Let us know how you get on."
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