Plague Update #31 - Special Mask Edition

Well wearing a mask is absolutely not mandatory in New South Wales, oh deary me no.  Our premier merely suggests that it might be an excellent idea if one has to indulge in any activity where social distancing is difficult.  For me that means leaving the house.  For those sharing their life with more than a stuffed puffin it could mean going to the bathroom.

I am nothing if not a socially responsible individual so when I stepped out of my flat today I had my mask securely in place.  The police who escorted me home politely pointed out that a gimp mask wasn't quite what the premier was referring to and why did it have a puffin beak on it?  Then they saw my interior decoration and decided not to ask any more questions.  In fact they seemed quite desperate to leave.

With my attempt to venture into the great outdoors thus thwarted I decided to reach out to my various correspondents to see what was happening in their disease riddled necks of the woods.  My first attempt wasn't too successful.  I might have mentioned I have a friend who has been using the outbreak as an excuse to justify his survivalist leanings.  I called him on skype and he put a bullet through the computer monitor.  At least I know he's still alive.

I wasn't too concerned as I really wanted to see how the outbreak was impacting those with families so I called up my colleague in Melbourne to ask how home schooling was going. Unfortunately she was passed out over her keyboard.  It's my own fault, I should really call her before ten o'clock in the morning if I want her at her best.  Undaunted I reached out to my New Zealand correspondent who I only remember in times of extremis.  For a moment I thought that I had reconnected with my survivalist friend.  He was dressed in camouflage gear, a face mask and was carrying a baseball bat.

Apparently he was sallying forth to do his civic duty.  Those in this country are aware of the ghastly failure of the hotel quarantine system in Melbourne.  In New Zealand things have been much better managed but there is still the issue of the occasional person slipping out of the hotel and making a break for freedom.  The response of the ordinary citizens has been thoughtful and restrained; they're organising lynch mobs on Facebook to hunt these malefactors down.  I wanted to speak more but I could see the bloodhounds were getting restless so I left him to it.

Which just left my Tasmanian correspondent.  Since its early hospital related COVID disasters Tasmania has been doing quite well.  I rather suspect its because the earlier issues have convinced those few Tasmanians who still had any faith in their hospital system that they were better off dying at home.  As such Tasmania is pretty much COVID free.  Which means I didn't actually have much hope that my correspondent would have any news for me.  As it turns out I was wrong.

One of the amusing things about this pandemic has been various sporting bodies making bold announcements about when they would start playing again and where those venues might be.  Pretty much every such announcement has been met by a response from the responsible political authorities pointing out that if they tried everybody would be arrested.  If it were you or me that would persuade us to be a little more circumspect in our announcements and possibly get clearance from the relevant authorities before making plans.  Not our sporting bodies.  They seem utterly determined to broadcast to the public at large exactly how disorganised and idiotic they are. They're doing a good job.

The latest foolishness came from the AFL (that's the Australian Football League for those of you who don't live in Victoria) who announced that given Tasmania's relatively COVID free status they would be transferring some teams and games down there.  The response of the Tasmanian premier was, "the fuck you are!"  The state's happy and hard won COVID free status has been gained by shutting the borders and pretending the rest of Australia doesn't exist.  This strategy seems to have worked and they see no reason to alter it now.

Besides as my correspondent pointed out AFL is a slightly sensitive subject in Tasmania.  The locals are crazy about the game and would dearly like to have a team in the competition.  The AFL governing body has reacted in the usual way people do to a statement of undying devotion. They have treated the Tasmanians with absolute contempt and preferred to spend their money establishing teams in places that have barely heard of AFL and in some cases are barely in Australia.  Since Tasmanians will watch the AFL anyway there is no benefit to the AFL in giving them their own team.

It is rare for Tasmania to have the whip hand over their mainland counterparts but I truly hope that the Tasmanian premier doesn't let the AFL in until Tasmania is guaranteed their own team in the competition.  Since Tasmania has pretty much destroyed its own economy (such as it was) with the lockdown anything that gets a little money changing hands will certainly be welcome.

With the sports update completed I sat down with a needle and thread and attempted to make myself a facemask out of paper towel and some nylon cord that I (ahem) just happened to have lying around.  My puffin was mocking my attempts until I started looking at his plush covering with a speculative eye.  Now he's hiding under the bed until my impromptu arts and crafts evening is complete.