Hopefully Travelling

I planned to drop into Melbourne to visit a friend.  A rather modest and unassuming ambition l think you’ll agree.  As soon as I made the arrangements I discovered that this harmless little jaunt had angered some malign god.  I don’t know which one, most of the gods I know are as choice a collection of petty minded psychopaths as you’re ever likely to meet outside a children’s birthday party.  First I was visited with a plague of kidney stones (believe me two counts as a plague).  When I insisted on hobbling towards the airport clutching painkillers and whimpering to myself my airline of choice suddenly discovered its aircraft had more cracks than crazy paving.  When I turned up at the airport waving an industrial sized roll of duct tape the increasingly frustrated deity played its final card; industrial action among the aircraft wranglers.  The flight schedule was in chaos as aircraft romped unattended in the fields.

I, however, am undaunted; so far my flight has been cancelled, rescheduled and then delayed but with any luck I should make it to Melbourne before I’m due back at work on Monday.  Pretty much the only thing that can still go wrong is if a meteorite hits the airport so I’m cautiously optimistic although I am keeping one eye on the sky.

In the meantime I’m taking advantage of the time I’m spending in this low rent Limbo by amusing myself with toilet advertisements.  As I rinsed my hands a display informed me of the importance of prostate cancer testing kits.  I almost expected to see a dispenser.  Just the thing to while away those tedious ours while they get a noose around your aircraft’s nose and lead it to the departure gate.  I do all my important medical testing at the airport, you’re probably the same.

Once the advertising was sure I had sorted out my prostate cancer it changed to a more hopeful message informing me I could marry who and when I wanted.  Unfortunately it also said forced marriage was illegal.  One of those two statements must be inaccurate.  I put my upcoming nuptials on hold and decided to eat chocolate instead.  I can actually see the advertising looking through its records for a promotion for a type 2 diabetes testing kit.