Obligation Fulfilled

I revelled in the darkness, an all encompassing shroud.  At the very edge of my awareness things I couldn't name twisted and writhed in a tortured parody of movement.  There was pain there, unimaginable pain and worse; misery and endless despair.  But the darkness cocooned me from the anguish, leaching away the torment and blending it with emptiness until it became the darkness itself.  Perhaps I writhed and screamed myself, if I did the darkness sheltered me from that as well.

A voice pierced my consciousness and with it a shaft of pure, blinding light that tore into me, stripping away my shield, leaving me naked and helpless.  I screamed, as much in horror as pain and the voice ancient and immeasurably cruel dug pitilessly into my mind.

"It's sunlight you twat, now get out of bed!"

Of all the ghastly multidimensional beings I could have sold my soul to I had to choose the one who thought it was an alarm clock.  Still my master had spoken and I scrambled out of bed to make my morning obeisance, touching myself in the sacred places and offering myself to him.

"Would you please stop playing with yourself.  That is not a sight I need to see before breakfast, or any other time for that matter."

I dashed my head to the floor,

"Oh grim and terrible lord, how may I serve you?"

"Stop grovelling and tell me why you haven't written a blog entry lately."

Frantically I babbled excuses; my correspondents were lazy and unreliable, my tech support was being investigated by the UN for crimes against humanity, my day job had been very stressful and the final season of Game of Thrones was on Foxtel.  I shouldn't have mentioned that last one.  My master hadn't watched Game of Thrones since they killed off Ramsey Bolton.

"Basically you couldn't be bothered," there was more than a hint of accusation in that grim tone.

Well, when you're caught you're caught.  I shrugged and stared at the ceiling.

"As always lord your insight is without peer."

"Shut up and write a damn blog entry.  We're halfway through May and you've done nothing."

"As you command it lord," I gabbled.  "I shall write a blog entry to entertain you in the grey wastes of eternity.  There will be drama, there will be heartbreak, trial and ecstasy."

"You're just going to slap together a few paragraphs of overblown rubbish based on this conversation aren't you?"

I stared at the ceiling again until he gave the metaphysical equivalent of a shrug.

"Oh for pity's sake just get on with it will you."

I rose to do my master's bidding when he spoke once more.

"I don't suppose I could persuade you to take your soul back could I?  I'll throw in someone else's to sweeten the pot if you like."