A Touch of the Rural Life

As I walked into the office today heads turned.  Nostrils flared and brows furrowed in confusion.  Was there just a hint of the Australian countryside about me as I passed my fellow drones masquerading as worker bees?  Did some indefinable but undeniable hint of the magnificence of rural Australia make itself present as, with a slight smile on my face and a hint of swagger in my stride, I made my way to my chair and attached the leg irons with aplomb?

Yes, yes its true.  Here in the middle of the city, that crazy, anarchic anthill of some four million people a gentle hint of a better life wafted through the office.  In the middle of this seething mass of crazed derelicts, depraved junkies, morally bereft politicians and vicious gang leaders (to be fair its a little better once you leave my office) somehow a lifeline has been thrown from a better place.

It's all down to me for I have purchased a new soap which proclaims that it has the scent of the Australian countryside.  A hint of eucalyptus, a smidgeon of roadkill, a trace of diesel and perhaps the merest touch of rural poverty and casual racism.  The older staff members went quite nostalgic as the scent took them back to a time when White Australia was a policy not an embarrassment and we were more concerned about women voting than gays marrying.  It's a heady mix and frankly quite a lot to ask of a bar of soap. 

I wasn't really trying to connect with the non urban parts of my nation when I wandered through my local supermarket looking for a personal cleansing product.  I'm not even sure why this might be considered desirable.  However the soap choices were few and most of the rest were loud in proclaiming that washing with them would make you smell like the Botanical Gardens on steroids while simultaneously moisturising your skin, shining your hair and generally making you sparkle like a vampire from Twilight.  None of them actually claimed they would get you clean.

Compared with all of that the Australian countryside was a modest and not particularly intrusive option.  I have to admit I don't know why soap has to smell of anything.  I will agree that it is better that it not smell like an open sewer or landfill and if a little perfume is required to achieve that then go for it.  Now, however, it would seem that soap is something you rub on yourself as part of a beauty regime which begs the question; what the hell do you rub onto yourself if you're practicing a cleanliness regime.

Personally I suspect any cleanliness derives from the hot water washing over me and the soap is just there to make it feel like I'm contributing.  I could probably do without it entirely.  But habit is a terrible thing.  For nigh on fifty years I have been rubbing bars of putative cleanser over myself and now I find that I can't stop.  Even liquid soaps and body wash don't really convince me, how can dirt be chipped from the body by something that looks as though it should be rubbed into my shoulders by a masseuse?  So in the absence of anything else even remotely plausible it is the scent of the Australian countryside for me.

As for cleanliness, well the Maasai take dust baths and that seems to work for them.  Perhaps I'll give that a try.  It would also probably assist in getting a more plausible scent of the Australian countryside than any soap is likely to provide.