Chives!

I have it from a reliable source (I saw it on an episode of QI) that kiwifruit cost more than their weight in aviation fuel to fly to Europe although it wasn't mentioned whether that was first class or economy.  The inference being, of course, that either people in Europe should repent of their insane, kiwifruit guzzling lifestyle or that the kiwifruit themselves should start investigating domestic holiday options.

To me the entire kiwifruit situation raises a far more serious question.  If irreplaceable hydrocarbons can be burnt so that Europeans can have something not particularly nice to put on their fruitsalad; if vast quantities of natural resources can be torn from the environment, slaughtering animals and plant life and befouling the air solely so kiwifruit can make an appearance somewhere kiwifruit were never meant to be then why the hell does my supermarket keep running out of chives?

Honestly, what is so difficult about chives?  Compared with kiwifruit chives wax mightily upon the earth.  Short of Antarctica there are few places they won't grow.  If we can develop a transcontinental airbridge apparently for the sole purpose of shunting a few kiwifruit around is it really too much trouble to throw a few bundles of chives on a truck and get them to my local supermarket.

It's an insult to the dead!  To build our civilisation we have blazed a path of destruction across the natural world.  We have bulldozed forests, slaughtered animals, poisoned rivers and the very air itself.  And for what?  The shades of those we killed will raise their voices in an anguished cry to the heavens, "All this and you can't even put chives in a supermarket!  Did we die in vain?  Say it isn't so!"

Chives are important to me.  By sprinkling a handful on my peas I can claim to eat two vegetable serves with my evening meal (three if you count crisps).  Yet time and again I turn up at my local supermarket to find the chives rack unaccountably empty.  I sometimes wonder if someone is hoarding them against a future shortage or possibly manipulating the market so they can make a fortune in chive futures trading.

Even if we can't grow chives in this country (and we totally can) it shouldn't be beyond our abilities to throw a few bags onto the empty planes returning to New Zealand for more kiwifruit.  If all else failed we could fly them out by private jet.  At the very least this would stop people fretting about how much jet fuel we waste on kiwifruit.