Pity the Photo

The purpose of photographs has changed over the years.  In the very beginning the stiff formal presentation of the subjects was successful in convincing future generations that our Victorian forbears suffered from acute constipation.  Of course camera technology was in its infancy back then but it wasn't long before technological advances allowed the photograph to assume its rightful place in our society, ie kept between the covers of heavy books to be brought out at strategic moments for the purpose of embarrassing ones offspring on the occasion of meeting their boyfriend or girlfriend.

Sadly time, which should certainly know better, marches on.  As a result the noble photograph has been reduced to being little more than a record of the food we eat.  We then flaunt the photograph's shame and humiliation all over instagram for the amusement of the slack jawed public.

What is this going to say to future generations?  Assuming we can stop photographing our food for long enough to have any.  The people of the Victorian age will be remembered as sturdy (albeit constipated) groups of explorers, soldiers and industrialists.  Those of the early and middle twentieth century might not be so dynamic but will at least present as loving family units.  But the current crop will come across as lazy nonentities completely obssessed with food.

"Dear god," these thoughtful observers of ancient civilisations will say, "did they ever do anything except eat?"  Of course since the human race will have died of diabetes and congestive heart failure by this stage the thoughtful observers will be aliens.  When the ruins of our civilisation are dissected by dispassionate outsiders they will probably be surprised to find that some of our buildings weren't restaurants.

Until that happy time there is something we can do to make our decline a relatively painless one.  Essentially we have to ensure that the technology to take and upload photographs remains relatively expensive.  It's all very well to have our iphones made by half starved semi slaves but if they ever manage to get an instagram account they're going to rise up, tear us limb from limb and quite possibly cannibalise us.  Although not before taking a photograph to post on instagram.  The real danger to our way of life comes not from the desperate poverty of others but the very real risk that they gain just sufficient wealth to realise what they're missing out on.  Revolution is caused by affluence not poverty.  The truly and deeply poor are far too busy trying to survive to revolt against anything.

It isn't food riots that will destroy civilisation.  It will be "I can't get a decent rare steak with a red wine jus, wilted asparagus, distressed spinach and absolutely brutalised carrots to go with my cheeky sauvignon blanc" riots that are going to do for us.  If we really want to prolong our existence for a few more decades we should probably start taking pictures of lentils and gruel and posting them on instagram.  If the suffering masses believe that's what we're subsisting on they may spare us for a little while longer.

The whole impetus for this blog entry came from an icecream I bought the other night.  Naturally I took a photo of that and naturally I posted that photo on instagram.  I would dearly like you to think I did it ironically.