I Made Him A Dinner He Couldn't Survive

It is considered rather bad form to murder someone at the dining table.  To be fair murdering someone is generally accounted a bit of a faux pas no matter what your location but if you actually do it during dinner then you can certainly expect a drop off in invitations (and RSVPs to your own affairs).

Possibly because eating has such a fundamental role in the prolongation of life it has always been a time when one is supposed to be able to relax and let your guard down a little.  Again, if you are the host it is truly bad manners to first feed and then kill someone.  It's also a terrible waste of food, which it occurs to me might be another reason in more straightened times why wacking a dinner guest was considered not quite the done thing.  As such feasting became an integral part of alliance building and enemy defusing in ancient times.  Traditionally inviting rivals or enemies to share your food implied at least a temporary truce.

Perhaps not surprisingly it also turned out to be one of the most popular times to kill people.  Social niceties be damned, if your enemy is under your roof and his bodyguard are happily drunk on your wine you'd be mad not to take advantage of the situation by running a blade between the bastard's ribs.  And you'd better watch out for him because what better opportunity is he going to get.  If your mortal enemy turns up at your door with a greasy smile and a battleaxe you're unlikely to invite him in unless he's flourishing a dinner invitation.

All of the above must have made meal times in the medieval period a somewhat tense affair.  I wonder how many wars and blood feuds can be attributed to indigestion?  I also can't help wondering if the castle servants ran a book on who was likely to last until dessert.  After all watching their social superiors savage each other to death was one of the few entertainments of the serving class and on the battlefield the pleasure was tempered by the fact that they were usually expected to take part.

Still one can't help feeling sorry for the cleaning staff.  It's bad enough sweeping up bones and semi digested food and mopping up spilled wine worth more than they earned in a year without having to drag half the guest list out and dump them on a midden heap.  Mind you in those days an "ability to deal with impromptu corpses" was probably a desirable addition to a servants skill set.  Even today if you're in a position to hire a servant well, you wouldn't actually "expect" them to be able to discreetly dispose of an unwanted body but if it was on their resume that's the one you'd be hiring.

Of course in today's modern and civilised world we tend to eat out more and rarely invite our rivals over for the purposes of murdering them.  Tradition takes a long time to fade however which could explain why so many people get killed in fast food restaurants.  That and the food of course.  A dinner invitation these days is exactly what it implies; an opportunity for friends and family to gather in a congenial setting and enjoy each others company.  All the same its probably worth taking that extra five seconds to reassure yourself that the crystalline substance glittering on the roast pork is actually maldon sea salt and not ground glass.